


Between Light and Nowhere

by celedan



Series: What We Do For Love [3]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Anal Sex, Captain Jack Harkness episode fix-it, Children of Earth Fix-It, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams mentioned - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sequel, Threesome - M/M/M, Toshiko Sato/Owen Harper mentioned, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 08:36:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11398977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan
Summary: Instead of dying in his plane 1941, Captain Jack Harkness falls through the Rift with it. He's incredibly happy to get a second chance with the man he knows as Captain James Harper, but then there is the fact that the man he admires is in a relationship with Ianto, and he's much too honourable to come between them. But then something happens which nobody could have imagined: He falls in love with Ianto Jones, too.





	Between Light and Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know where this came from. Probably from watching the Captain Jack Harkness-episode too much. But interestingly I've never read a story where somebody picked up the opportunity to bring the Captain in Jack and Ianto's time. There are so many possibilities with this character. Maybe people didn't like him, I don't know. But I cry at the end ev'ry time I watch the episode, so I simply had to do something about that.  
> This is also the final of the little series I've called What we do for love-Series. It, like the other two parts, can be read as a stand-alone, there are only a few references to the other stories just to connect them a bit, so you'll understand it without having read them.  
> Enjoy!

My whoops of joy about getting this German bastard abruptly die down, constricting my throat. I can't scream as the other Messerschmitt directly speeds in my direction, opening fire. Instinctively, I shoot back in the hope of taking the other plane with me, then the bullets shatter the hull of my air plane.

I'm prepared for the bullets tearing into my flesh, too, to set the machines on fire, causing me to crash, but suddenly, for a split second, there's only deafening silence.

Then I have to blink as I'm hit by blinding sunlight, which shouldn't be there – a moment ago it was foggy. But I don't have time to marvel at the sunlight if it isn't the last thing I want to see. I manage to bring the machines back under my control, and start descending. It will be a bumpy landing, for there's only a field underneath me, but it has to do.

 

Coughing and wheezing, I stumble from my smoking plane, trying to reach clear air as fast as I can.

Through the thick, oily smoke, my burning eyes make out a large vehicle and two people standing next to it. On slightly unsteady legs, I make my way over to them.

“Excuse me,” I shout, still not able to see them clearly because of the smoke. “I'm a bit lost. Can you tell me where...” Abruptly, I stop short as the smoke clears, and I recognize one of the two people constituting my welcoming committee.

“James,” I breathe, overwhelmed as I catch sight of Captain James Harper of all people, wearing similar clothes to the ones I've last seen him in, but suddenly seeming completely out of place wearing them in this surroundings (on which I really can't put my finger what it is exactly that rubs me wrong about the environment). As do I. And suddenly I get the feeling that it hasn't only been sixteen hours since I saw him last, but a lot longer that that. Because, for once, he looks shell-shocked to see me here, so as if seeing a ghost; not about the plane though. He had to have known about its arrival, why would he be here in the middle of nowhere otherwise. Obviously, he just hadn't expected me to be the pilot.

And then there's the woman next to him. She wears strange clothing; very tight trousers and a leather jacket. It's not a completely uncommon sight, a lot of women working as mechanics, or in ammunition factories wear trousers, or overalls, too. But I don't think she does either job; these don't look like working clothes. The car behind them, a huge, sleek black monstrosity, is something I haven't ever seen in my time either...

My time...

I think that's the crux of this whole matter.

I'm not in my own time any more, as unbelievable as that sounds.

And Captain James Harper seems to be a part of this new time I've crashed in.

So that's where he really disappeared to when he left m... when he had to leave.

“Jack,” he whispers while still staring at me in shock. Then a joyous, hopeful, but still disbelieving expression lights up his attractive features, and he comes a step closer. 

“It... it's really you,” he stammers. “But...” His gaze flits to my smoking plain, and he nods in understanding. With that he's a step ahead of me because although I know my plane brought me to this place, I have no idea how that is possible.

“We were on a training exercise,” I start to explain. “My men and me. And then suddenly there were the Germans...”

“Yes,” he interrupts me, “I know.”

“Oh.” I stare at him incredulously. “Then... my men...”

“They all survived,” he assures me hurriedly. “You got them all out.”

A relief so profound it makes my knees weak sweeps through me. I breath out a relieved sigh.

James nods at me with a look of understanding. He's a soldier, too, an officer like me. He knows that the safety our men are our first priority, even more so than our own life.

A sudden throat clearing ends the understanding moment between us, and I look at the woman who accompanied him.

James seems jostled from the intense moment, too, looking from one to the other. “Jack, this is Gwen Cooper,” he introduces us. “She works for me. Gwen, this is Captain Jack Harkness.”

I smile at her, despite the strange, and admittedly a little terrifying situation, trying not to forget my manners. The smile she throws me is awfully pained, and she's as white as a sheet, but she looks like she knows who I am, only that she can't believe I'm here... Much like James earlier. Maybe he told her about me?

But there are more pressing matters than that.

“What is this place?” I gesture around, and look questioningly at him. 

He grimaces painfully, and seems reluctant to answer me. “This is Cardiff,” he answers eventually, and exchanges a look with Miss Cooper. “Just not... your Cardiff...” He sighs, and his shoulders slump. Suddenly he seems uncharacteristically hesitant, not at all like the confident man I'd met last night.

But then he draws himself up, and presses forward with a determined gleam in his eyes. “This is the Cardiff of the future,” he tells me. “We're in 2008.”

“B-but... how?” I stammer, forgetting all countenance, although deep down I already knew what he would tell me. 

“Cardiff lies on a Rift through space and time,” James blatantly explains further. “Sometimes things or people fall through from other times. Apparently, you are one of those people.”

I have to swallow heavily, and force myself to keep standing. I'd really like to sit down just now.

“Are you mad?! Do you really believe this?!” I want to shout at him, but I can't. All the evidence is there; the strange car, the clothes of Miss Cooper... how he suddenly disappeared last night, and nobody seemed to really remember what happened so that I almost thought I'd only imagined him... I've always been a very practical man with no sense for nonsense or superstition, but I won't deny the truth only because it is hard to believe when it's staring me right in the face. There's so much wonder – good and evil – in this world, so why shouldn't there be something like time travel. Why should this be something that's only a part of some author's over-active imagination. 

“I understand,” I therefore answer him, my voice sounding thick and scratchy, and I'm feeling slightly numb. 

“I'm sorry.”

I look up, and meet his apologetic gaze. I don't ask, there's time for this later, but I get the feeling that he's apologizing because he can't send me back.

As I don't want to think about this possibility just now, and as I'm much too happy to see him again, I steer my thoughts in another direction. “How did you find me? How did you know my plane would come through here?”

“We are an institution called Torchwood. It's our job to monitor the Rift and deal with the things that come through.”

“Oh...” I look at the ground contemplatively, but not seeing much. “And... how will you deal with me?”

“We'll take you back to our base for now. Let you settle, and then we will decide what to do. Gwen,” he addresses Miss Cooper, “please take care of the plane. I'm sure it won't be long until someone gets here who noticed the crash.”

She nods, throws me a last small smile, and then walks away, taking out a small device from her pocket which I surmise is some kind of radio – only much, much smaller than everything I've ever seen.

I look at James again, and he smiles at me encouragingly. He makes an inviting gesture towards the car. “Come, let's get back to our base.”

I nod mutely, and follow him to the car.

“Gwen, I'll send Owen back with the SUV to pick you up,” he shouts over to her, and she gives him a thumbs up, indicating that she's heard him because she currently speaks to somebody on the radio. 

The drive back is mostly silent, at first because we both don't seem to know what to say, and later on because my attention is not focussed on him but the city we're passing through. It is Cardiff, all right, I recognize a few places, but not the Cardiff I know. Everywhere are these sleek, modern cars, and people in all kinds of strange – and not to say scandalous – clothing.

Then something occurs to me, driving into me like a sledgehammer blow. “It's peace,” I breathe in astonishment.

James startles, and throws me a questioning look from the corner of his eye. I gesture out of the window, and before I can explain further, he catches on.

“Oh yes, Germany lost the war.”

“Really?!” I stare at him flabbergasted. “When?”

“1945.”

Weakly, overwhelmed, I sink back into the seat, needing time to process this information.

“That's... that's good,” I finally manage to force out.

“Yeah, it is. I can't say there's been no war since then, but not one to this extend. It isn't called World War II for nothing, after all.” 

“Yeah, you're right. Some of the higher-ups at Headquarters'd started to call it that.”

James nods. “It's the term used for it everywhere.”

“Hmhm, it is sadly appropriate.” 

Again, we continue driving in silence, while I still ponder everything I've learned, until we eventually reach Cardiff Bay. James parks the car in an underground garage, and then takes me up again. I follow him down to the dock, where he leads me to a secluded, cramped spot with a sign over the door reading  _Tourist Information Centre_ . There's no one behind the counter at the moment, and also after James calls out for a man called Ianto, nobody emerges from the back room, either. He shrugs, and to my astonishment operates a button on the leather wrist strap I'd noticed him wearing already yesterday, and promptly a hidden door suddenly opens by itself. 

He shrugs again as he notices my dumbstruck gaze.

“You can do something like this today?”

“Not really,” he answers, and leads me through the door into a gloomy corridor. “That's Captain's bonus,” he suddenly grins at me with this cheeky, boyish smile that makes me weak in the knees. “Ev'ryone else has to use the button behind the counter.”

I nod in understanding, although in reality I don't understand even half of it. At the end of the concrete-walled corridor there's another opening, lift doors, as I soon realize. A few seconds after we step through, they open again before us. When I thought the world outside was strange and new, now I step into a completely other world. The underground base looks like something Dr. Frankenstein probably would have felt at home in. Everywhere's metal and wires, and upon taking a closer look, the monstrous cave, whose walls are tiled with enamelled dirty-white tiles, looks a little like an abandoned underground station. The heart of the base is a huge metal column in the middle, rising up right through the ceiling. Water pours from its high-polished surface, so it has to be the base of the water tower I saw up on the square, and collects in a small lake around it. Gridded metal gangplanks span the whole expanse over the water, leading to work stations with computers so small I have to look twice at them in astonishment, and leading to various tunnels, doors, and industrial stairs leading to the upper levels.

“Sir, did you recover the plane successfully?” 

We both turn to the professionally calm and collected voice. Before us stands a pretty young man in a suit which becomes him fabulously even though the magenta-coloured shirt is a daring choice in my opinion. But on the other hand, maybe not in this time.

“Yeah, no problem,” James answers a little too cheery, and promptly, the young man's gaze flits pointedly between James and me. 

“Jack?” he asks hesitantly, and I blink owlishly at him. Does he somehow know me? I open my mouth to respond, but close it again when I feel James' gentle touch on my arm. Questioningly, I look at him. 

“He means me,” he explains quietly.

“I don't understand...”

He sighs wearily and puts his arm around my shoulders, drawing me with him. “There's a lot to explain. Come on. Ianto,” he addresses the young man, who doesn't look at me in wonder any more; instead he suddenly looks shocked, has become as white as a sheet – similar to Miss Cooper earlier –, but he visibly pulls himself together, and looks at James. “Sir.”

“Please make us some coffee, and bring us something to eat, would you?”

“Of course, Sir.” With that he hurries away, obviously relieved to be allowed to leave.

I follow James through this strange underground base, but stop abruptly as I spot another friendly face I know at least in this terrifying new world. “Toshiko!” I smile brightly at her, really glad to see her.

She returns my smile warmly, but doesn't approach me, letting James, who is obviously the leader of this Torchwood, handle things... me. “I'm glad to see you well, Captain,” she tells me, before she leaves for her work station.

“Fucking hell! That is...” I hear someone exclaim behind me, a young sounding, male voice, and I whip my head around in an instant to glare reproachfully at the man. I'm no stranger to swearing, of course, no man is, but such words are for male ears only. To hear them spoken in the presence of a lady is scandalous. I meet the eyes of a skinny young man, who looks dumbstruck at me, then questioningly at Toshiko, who confirms his exclamation with a serious nod. 

I spin around at James' touch of my arm once more before I have a chance to discipline the man for his language, although, technically, it isn't my place to do so. James seems to read my thoughts though, because he smiles wryly at me. “Don't mind Owen.”

“Don't you want to reprimand him?!” I demand incredulously, staring at him with wide eyes.

James lets out a sarcastic bark. “I wouldn't get anything else done if I reprimanded Owen for every curse that comes out of his mouth.”

I frown at him. “So, this is acceptable behaviour nowadays?”

He shrugs, but has the good grace to look apologetic. “You should hear Toshiko when she has a bad day. It's probably better that she curses in Japanese if she really gets into it.”

“Toshiko?!”

He shrugs again. “Yeah. You have to get used to it... like everything else.” He sighs and draws me with him again. “If swearing women was the worst thing you'd have to get used to, I'd be really glad.”

He stops before entering through a door ahead of us, and turns back a last time to his people. “Owen, take the SUV back to the crash site, and help Gwen.”

A grumbling is the only sound we hear in answer, then I follow James inside his office. He closes the door behind us, and offers me a seat on the sofa in the corner of the office while he pours us a drink before joining me there.

I take the whisky glass from him gratefully, and clutch it like a lifeline, curiously taking in my terrifying albeit fascinating surroundings. I try not to let James see, but then, why not. We're both soldiers, leaders, and know when to be strong, showing no weakness – this isn't one of those moments.

“So...” I take a sip from the really good Scotch, allowing myself to drop my controlled mask around him.

“So,” he sighs, and tiredly leans back. He closes his eyes for a moment, and I withstand the urge to draw him to me, and put his head in my lap so that he may rest. 

“Why did this young man call you Jack?” One question after the other, and this is as good a one as any to start with.

James opens his eyes again, and wearily looks at me. “Because that's my name.”

I blink at him in surprise. “Your name is Jack, too? Why did you say it's James?”

He evades my gaze, looking uncomfortably into his glass, but then he swallows visibly, and takes the leap into cold water. “Because it's actually your name.”

Come again? I really don't understand what he wants to tell me with this.

It must have shown on my face, for he hurries to explain further, “No easy way to say this, so, here it comes. When you were declared dead on January 21 st 1941, the next day I took your name. I am, was, a con man, and I needed a cover name. So, I found yours on the list of the recently reported deceased or missing. I adopted your name and rank, and showed up with it at headquarters in London.”

I look sharply at him. “Are you...”

“I'm not a spy for the Germans,” he tries to placate me hurriedly, albeit clearly amused which makes me bristle. “What I did, what I needed your name for had nothing to do with this war.”

“Then what... who are you really?” I demand to know. 

He sighs again, and squeezes the bridge of his nose. “This is much easier when we just tell them the basics, and then send them on their way,” he mutters.

“So, this does happen a lot – people falling though this Rift.”

“Yeah, sometimes. But then we just tell these people what happened to them, that they can't go back, and forge them a new life. There's nothing more we can do for them. We can't send anyone back.” 

There, he said it, like I feared already.

“You and Toshiko came back here,” I argue.

He snorts sarcastically. “And almost ripped the world apart in forcing the Rift open. No. It's too unpredictable, I'm sorry. And by the way; you should be glad the Rift took you. You were supposed to die in that plane.”

I look at him gloomily. “I'm not sure it wouldn't have been the better alternative.”

He sighs. “I know. But nonetheless, I'm really glad that you're alive. I mourned you, and the whole time we were together it tore me apart inside to know what would happen to you without being able to save you.”

He looks me firmly in the eye, and there I can see it. All the grief and regret he felt, and the joy he now feels that I'm alive. I smile at him. It suddenly makes it a little easier to bear this new, unwanted, but inevitable life. “You wanted to tell me who you really are,” I remind him gently, filled with a strange accepting peace all of a sudden.

He returns my smile wearily, but nods, and takes another sip of his Scotch. Just at this moment, there is a gentle knock, and the young man in the suit enters, carrying a tray with steaming mugs and plates piled with sandwiches on it. The heavenly smell of coffee assaults my nose, and I only now realise how famished I really am. I gratefully accept the mug from the young man, placing the Scotch aside for the moment.

“I should introduce you properly,” James... no, Jack, says. “Captain, this is Ianto Jones. He's my archivist, my General Support Officer, and he makes the best coffee in the whole universe. Without him, I'd be lost.”

Mr. Jones chuckles as he hands me a plate. “Careful, Sir. Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“I beg to differ,” Jack grins in a clearly flirtatious way, which simply amazes me; the openness with which he propositions this young man throws me. Where... _when_ I'm from, it would be impossible to speak to each other that way with others within ear shot. Obviously, a lot has changed in sixty-seven years. My dancing with Jack for all to see yesterd... _then_ had been the greatest risk I'd ever taken, but when it comes to this man, I seem to forget all of my common sense – the only thing I could think about had been that he was leaving, and that I would probably never see him again. The thought had been unbearable; so much that I didn't care about the danger I was putting myself into with dancing openly with another man (Miraculously, nobody seemed to remember that moment, myself not really understanding what happened either when Toshiko and James suddenly disappeared in this bright light) – I only knew I had to touch him. The need is still there...

“And Ianto,” Jack continues to introduce us, “this is the real Captain Jack Harkness.”

“It's an honour to meet you, Sir,” Jones says with a polite nod, which nonetheless seems a little reserved to me. Is he what I think he is? Jack's lover? It would certainly explain why he was so thrown to see me. He'd clearly known who I am. So, had Jack told him about us, sparse as our time may have been? Is he jealous now that I'm here? 

The hot jealousy flaring up in myself suddenly like a blaze shocks me in its intensity.

I force it down, and smile at Jones. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Jones.”

“You'll find there's no need for formalities here,” he answers. “Please, call me Ianto.”

“All right.” I nod. “I'm Jack.”

He briskly returns the nod, and then turns to leave. “Team meeting still on, Sir?” he asks before he leaves, looking at Jack.

Jack nods. “We just wait for Gwen and Owen to get back.”

“Very good, Sir.” And with that, Mr. Jones... Ianto is out the door, leaving us alone once more.

“So,” I say into the suddenly strained silence. “You still owe me a story.”

For a moment, he seems reluctant, and I suddenly wonder if he even told his team his whole life story. I get a feeling that he did not. I am amazed that he is prepared to tell me of all people.

But then he nods briskly, and proceeds to tell me that he just wasn't a time traveller, but that he actually lived in my time, served in the same war, and the war before that. That he is immortal as hard as  _that_ is to believe above everything else. 

I can tell that he edited his story heavily, but I get the gist of it. Even if I still can't believe what he told me.

He must have seen my incredulous expression because he hurries to assure me, “It's the truth. Ev'rything I tell you is the truth, honestly.”

“That wasn't always the case.”

He has the good graces to blush in embarrassment. “No, but it was necessary at the time. What should I have said? Toshiko and I are actually from 2007 and just dropped through a Rift in time?!”

I nod in understanding. “Probably not.”

“I had a hard enough time with keeping her safe for being Japanese in those times without drawing further attention to us with... other matters.” 

Once again, I nod.

“I managed that for both of us, hm,” I joke sarcastically to which he huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, not your best shot.” He looks up, searching my gaze. “But I'm glad you had the courage when I hadn't,” he whispers heartfelt. “I'd never have dared. Not in Tosh and my position.”

“It was our only chance,” I remind him softly.

“Yeah.” A soft smile graces his handsome features, and he shyly takes my hand. We look down at our entwined hands, both of us aware of our reserved roles; yesterday, it had been me taking his hand, being the brave one. I felt that he isn't normally this shy, but now he is yet again although he was the one to take the initiative this time. He looks up once more, a look of awe flitting over his face, the same emotions that I feel as well. “Maybe not any more,” Jack whispers, and for a moment, I blink owlishly at him while trying to grasp the meaning of his words. Blazing warmth spreads through me when I finally understand his implications. I barely dare breathing from the fear that this is only a dream, that in the next second, I will wake up in my burning plane, Jack being just a hallucination induced by all the smoke I breathed in. 

The sudden loud noise of the alarm of the entrance door makes us both jump, the private little bubble we've been in 'til this moment bursting cruelly.

“Okay.” He claps his hands energetically, and suddenly jumps up. “It's time for the meeting. Come on.”

I follow his restless figure out of the office a bit more sedately. I see Ianto heading our way, joining us on our way to the location where the meeting will be held, I suppose.

All at once, I hear a suspicious noise above me, and I look up.

“What the...” I instinctively duck down as a huge shadow suddenly sails over our heads, giving off a screech I have never heard before. 

Jack laughs loudly, and claps my shoulder. “Don't mind her. That's just Myfanwy.”

I glare at him, but he's already passed me on our way to the conference room.

Ianto stops beside me, and throws me a sympathetic look. “Never mind. Everybody reacts that way seeing her for the first time.”

I straighten up, and adjust my jacket. “Did you as well?” I ask him with a sniff, my battered dignity slowly recovering.

Now Ianto laughs, too, but not at my expense. “No. I found her when she came through the Rift. I caught her, together with Jack. She was my ticket into Torchwood, and...” At that he trails off, and suddenly looks wistful, lost in his memories. Then he shakes his head, and smiles at me, friendly, but professionally. “Come on. Let's get you settled in the twenty-first century.”

I nod briskly, and follow Ianto into the conference room. Toshiko is already there, deep in conversation with Jack, and this Owen and Miss Cooper enter a short while after us. On the table, there's more coffee waiting for us, and everybody lunges for the steaming mugs greedily. Jack didn't exaggerate; Ianto's coffee really is magical.

After a few seconds of collective silence while everybody drinks from their mugs almost reverently, myself included, Jack proceeds to business. He introduces me to everyone officially, although they all know who I am already, and introduces Doctor Harper to me, since we haven't met officially either.

I sit silently and listen patiently to Gwen and Owen's report of how they dealt with my plane, then to them all deciding over the rest of my life, the first obstacle being where I am to live for now.

“We put him in one of the save houses.”

“No,” Jack interrupts Owen immediately, even a little harshly, which earns him a glare from the young doctor. 

“He can't stay at the Hub, Jack,” Ianto softly reminds Jack, who wears a stubborn expression all of a sudden, but his tone is much less harsh when he answers Ianto, if not less petulant. “Why not.”

“Where should he sleep. In your bed?”

Jack doesn't say anything to this, staring stubbornly down at the table top, although I'm sure that everyone here thought the same if Toshiko's blush and Ianto's clenched jaw are any indication. I have thought the same, to be honest, albeit fleetingly. But it wouldn't do to admit to this desire to actually sleep in Jack's bed, not in front of the others (and it was only one kiss, I remind myself, I can't be this intrusive, we're basically strangers, not matter how hard I've fallen for him). And if nothing else, it is Ianto's slightly betrayed, hurt expression which warps me from that improper idea. These two definitely seem to be in a relationship, and I have no right to intrude upon that.

“He can stay with me,” Ianto suddenly says into the oppressive silence, and I'm not the only one who looks at him in surprised shock. 

“Ianto...” Jack frowns at him, but I can see the pleased expression in his eyes which he doesn't manage to hide at this idea. He turns to me. “If it's all right with you?”

I nod swiftly. Although it is probably not a good idea to move in with the lover of the man I desire, the concept of staying in a foreign location completely alone frightens me like nothing else. “I have no problem with that.” I look at Ianto. “Thank you,” I tell him earnestly. “This is very generous of you.”

He nods at me. “It's no problem, really.”

“Great!” Jack grins at both of us boyishly, and claps his hands once. “Then that's settled... And Ianto...” He looks at the young man with pleading puppy eyes.

Ianto chuckles in response. “Of course, Sir, you know you don't have to ask.”

Jack's grin grows. “Indeed.”

I don't know what he's talking about, of course, but I won't ask. I imagine, I will learn of everything soon enough.

 

After the short meeting, I follow Ianto out of the base and to his car. He is released from work for today so that he may take care of me. I plan to get to know this new world fast, gaining back my independence, though. I don't want to be a burden to them, and I don't like the feeling of being their charge as if I'm a lost child.

“Let's get something to eat before we go home, yeah?”

Ianto's voice pulls me from my musings. I blink at him. “Ehm, yes. That would be good.”

He shrugs. “I may make good coffee, but I'm not much of a cook. Jack on the other hand is a fantastic cook. I will ask him to cook for us this week.”

I make an affirmative noise. This more than anything else drives home the fact that Ianto is so much more to Jack than a casual fling – that he is more to him than I am. And that's not a nice feeling. But I can't begrudge them their happiness, not really. I may have many flaws, but fortunately, being unhealthily envious isn't one of them.

“Any preference?”

I have to blink at him a few times before I finally get what he means. I shrug. “As you can imagine, I'm not really up to date with the current cuisine.”

Now Ianto is the one blinking at me. “Oh, right. Then... What about something healthy, hm. One Jack Harkness with bad eating habits is enough.”

We both laugh, although I don't know exactly what he means with bad eating habits.

He turns the car into a bustling street with a multitude of shops and restaurants.

I follow him into a lively restaurant. It looks almost like a diner from back home, but much more modern. There's a long line of people waiting before the counter, so we settle to wait.

“Admittedly, it's still fast food, but it's one of those new chains that offer healthy fast food. It's the new trend.” I listen to Ianto's explanations, nodding occasionally, and try to make out which food is on offer. After he had to explain some of the things to me, I decide on something called a chicken wrap while Ianto takes sushi. That's another thing I have to get used to; the variety of food on offer. There are so many dishes I have never tried because they are from countries we are at war with – like the sushi Ianto chose –, or I simply have never heard of them in the first place. 

We don't have to wait long for our food, and all the while our conversation is surprisingly easy and pleasant. Where Jack is exciting, sensual company, Ianto's gentle, soft-hearted manner soothes me, and his surprisingly dry humour makes me laugh.

When we enter Ianto's apartment, we haven't stopped talking animatedly once during the drive here. But now we stop for the time being, Ianto preparing our food in the kitchen, and me taking a look around at the sleek, but at the same time homey apartment.

We eat in companionable silence at first, but some time into our meal, Ianto strikes up a conversation again. “Tomorrow I will take you shopping for new clothes and other things you might need,” he tells me businesslike. “For now, I will stay home to help you get settled, but after that, I won't be home much. You'll have to go shopping for food and cook by yourself.”

I chuckle. “I think I will manage.”

He smiles a little apologetically at me for his patronising tone. “I'm sorry. Of course you can. It's just...”

“This is your usual job, right?” I guess, and he nods. Now I understand what Jack meant at the base; he wanted to know if Ianto would take over the job of introducing me to this new world, too. Maybe he thought he wouldn't want to, what with Ianto being his current lover, and me... well, whatever I am to Jack. But then, Ianto didn't have to speak up for me, letting me stay with him if my presence makes him uncomfortable. And I really don't think he just does it to please Jack, or out of some sense of obligation to him. 

“It's all right,” I tell him. “I understand that the people you normally have to deal with may require a lot more care.”

“Yes, they do. They are frightened, confused and angry, and sometimes it takes a lot of time to appease them. After all, they can never go back to their old life, to their loved ones.” He frowns, and scrutinises me intently. “But you... you don't seem overly shaken to me.”

I shrug nonchalantly. “Of course it's a shock, don't get me wrong. But I saved the men under my command. That was always my utmost priority, and aside from that...” I shrug again. “There is no-one I could return to. I've always been very independent. I can start a new life here just as well.”

Ianto cocks his head, and makes a contemplative noise. “I promise you that I will do everything in my power to give you the life you may wish for,” he finally says which, for some reason, makes me lower my gaze in humbleness.

“You are very kind,” I mumble in embarrassment. “I'm not used to someone taking care of me; normally, it's the other way round.” 

We finish our meal in a companionable and at the same time awkward silence. After, he shows me the guest room and the bathroom, before he briefly disappears in his own bedroom.

“Here.” Ianto holds out a bundle of clothes to me when he returns. “They're Jack's, so they should fit you.” He goes back into the guest bedroom with the pile of linen under his arm to prepare my bed, me following him like a lost puppy. “At least this way somebody wears them. Jack never does, but I thought it a good idea that he has some comfortable clothes here nonetheless.” He throws me an exasperated look over his shoulder. “He rather wears nothing as you can imagine, but that's Jack.”

I choke on my own breath, and Ianto freezes as he realizes what he said. He blushes prettily, and clears his throat stoically. “I mean...”

“Let me.” Clearing my throat, I put the clothes aside and take the bed linens from him. 

“Right... Towels and spare toothbrush are in the bathroom. If you need anything else...”

I throw him an awkward smile in gratitude, which he returns just as unsettled. “Thank you, I'll manage.”

“Okay, then... Good night, Captain.”

“Ianto!” He turns to me again questioningly. “You should bestow me the courtesy of calling me by my first name, too. It was your request, after all.”

He cringes slightly although he tries to hide it. Seeing this, I smile indulgently at him. “I know it must be a confusing situation for you, but I'd really like for us to be friends nonetheless.”

For a few moments longer, he still looks undecided, nibbling unconsciously on his lower lip in an adorable way. Eventually, Ianto nods, the smile he now throws me much more at ease than the previous. “I'd like that, too.”

We nod at each other, then he leaves me alone.

 

The next morning, after a surprisingly restful night despite my inner turmoil, I find myself in Ianto's kitchen in the early morning hours. He greets me with more of the heavenly coffee he makes as well as a hearty breakfast. As if he was drawn here by the smell of coffee, Jack shows up in the apartment a few minutes after we begin our breakfast. He breezes into the kitchen in his exuberant, carefree fashion I learned he sometimes adopts, and throws both of us a broad grin. “What a splendid morning; my two favourite guys in all of Wales gathered together at the same table.”

“And to top it off, there's coffee,” Ianto replies helpfully.

Jack's grin takes on a naughty note. “And there's coffee, indeed. What more could I wish for.”

Ianto grunts drily. “I could think of a few things.”

“I know you could.” I shudder involuntarily at the rough, seductive tone. “Maybe later,” he decides, and takes the mug of coffee Ianto hands him. “So, what's on the agenda for today?” He looks questioningly from Ianto to me while he relaxes into one of the chairs, and helps himself to breakfast.

I shake my head, clueless, instead letting Ianto answer.

“Clothes shopping, definitely,” he prompts to which Jack grins. “I will come in later to take care of his new ID.”

“Yeah, that reminds me...” Jack turns to me. “Do you want to keep your name, or...” He trails off carefully, looking pained for a moment and lost in memory, but I on the other hand don't have to think about the 'or'.

“I'll keep my name.”

Jack nods, and looks at Ianto, who nods as well. “I'll take it into account.”

“Great.” Jack shoves the last of his breakfast into his mouth before he stands up. “Do you want me to come with?”

Before I can reply, Ianto resolutely puts his foot down. “You're welcome to accompany us touring the city, but I will not take you clothes shopping, Jack Harkness. I don't dare imagine what he will end up with.”

“Hey! I have fabulous fashion sense, just so you know.”

Ianto looks him up and down pointedly, but I don't see what's wrong with Jack's attire.

But Jack only sighs theatrically, and starts to pout. “You like the coat.”

“Of course I like the coat, but he is supposed to blend in, not stand out. We're not in the 1940's any more.”

“All right,” Jack finally relents. “I bow to your expertise.” He mock bows before Ianto.

“You'd better, Sir.” Ianto regards him impassively. 

“I go, I go.” Jack backs away with a laugh. “See you both in the evening.” 

“Would be good if you could cook,” Ianto calls after him, getting a casual “yeah, yeah” in answer. 

 

Ianto's sense of fashion is really exquisite (and now I understand his look this morning; Jack's favoured clothes may enable him to blend in in my time, but here he looks eccentric in them), and I end up swift and effectively with a whole wardrobe of tasteful casual clothes that aren't too modern for me to feel uncomfortable in them, but allow me to blend in effortlessly at he same time. All in all, classical men's attire didn't really change that much, thank God.

While we go looking for clothes and toiletries, he shows me around the city. There is a lot I recognise as I noticed in the car already yesterday, but on the whole, this is a new world to me. The amount of cars and people on the streets is almost overwhelming to me, especially since I come from a time were people avoided being outside when they could because of the bombs. All the electricity and blinking lights and gadgets fascinate me, though, and I can't wait to learn more about it.

After having lunch in a small restaurant, Jack joins us unexpectedly in the afternoon, enabling Ianto to go back to Torchwood to forge my new ID.

The time I spend with Jack strolling through the city and just talking is pleasant. Completely different to conversation with Ianto somehow, but just as equally enjoyable. Ianto put me at ease with his caring, easy attitude and dry wit that lurks behind the carefully erected mask of distant politeness. But with Jack, it's different. We connect because he knows what it's like to be ripped from one's own time, and though he is an expert on the current time while living here of course, at the same time he is intimately familiar with the time I'm from as well. And there are still these feelings simmering between us. He still has them, too, I can sense it, and I'm surprised that they survived. For me, it's only been a few hours, but for him, it's been months since he last saw me. And now he has Ianto. As much as I'd like to rekindle what we (almost) had, and take it further, I won't. It's dishonourable, and I couldn't do that to Ianto.

That doesn't mean I'm not jealous of what they have.

 

The three of us spend a very pleasant evening together, enjoying a good wine and the formidable roast Jack made for us.

The next day I spend with Ianto again. He starts to show me things I need to know, what I will need for my new life, documents I will have to apply for to be able to lead a normal life with my own apartment and job. It's much more complicated than in my time, there's so much the authorities want to know about me, but I won't let myself get deterred by it. Late in the evening, after Ianto's gone to bed, I sit before his laptop and, after getting familiar with using such a device, try to catch up over sixty years of time I missed via the internet.

Overall, I'm surprised at how easy I have come to accept this new life. But on the other hand, there was never really a place for me in my old life, in my time, except with the army. Back home I was a good son, a good brother, and a good friend, and I loved my family, but by the time I went to war, there was nobody left. My parents were dead, my sister married to a man who lived on the other side of the continent, and a lot of my friends accompanied me into the war, but were soon lost to me, either transferred far away, or... Anyway, all I had were my men, and now I don't even have them. But, surprisingly, that doesn't matter. What matters is that I got them all out, that I left nobody behind. I'm glad it's me who fell through the Rift, metaphorically speaking into Jack's arms, and not one of my men. Maybe fate wanted to tell me something with these developments. Maybe I'm meant to be here. Here with Jack...

Here with Ianto, a small voice whispers in the farthest corner of my consciousness...

But no matter that I have accepted my situation, a few days after coming here, I start to get restless. Ianto and Jack spend time with me if they can, and when I'm alone, I've started to go out, and explore on my own, heeding Jack's advice, but Cardiff isn't really that big; I've explored it thoroughly after two days. I need something meaningful to do, otherwise, I feel useless.

My feelings of being redundant only get stronger on the nights Ianto doesn't come home. Late nights mean they have to work, but when he stays away for the whole night, I know he is with Jack. It hurts to imagine them together, and at the same time it arouses me involuntarily to think of Jack in that context. I desperately wish to explore my urges, preferably with him, but it's no use to moan about it. He is not for me. What we had for a few hours was a beautiful dream, but this is reality, and in this reality, he is Ianto's. But I can't bring myself to go out and embrace the night life of the city, finding somebody to slate my lust. I have done things with other men, hurried fumbles in dark corners after a mission, both of us driven by the relief of still being alive. But going out with the purpose of finding a man to have sex with would make it official, even if only in my own head. And for that I'm not ready, for that, my time's believes and prejudices are much too ingrained in me. And maybe I'm old fashioned, but when I'm finally ready to embrace this side of me, I want this first real encounter to be with someone meaningful. If not Jack, then at least someone I care about...

 

I look up from my book as I hear the key in the front door lock, and frown in surprise as Jack comes in, supporting Ianto who looks dishevelled and soaking wet.

“What happened?” I ask, instinctively rising up in concern, and crossing the room to meet them.

Jack meets my eye. “He fell into the bay,” he explains curtly, and I can clearly hear the worry in his voice.

“What can I do?” I therefore ask, no other questions needed, and he looks gratefully at me. 

“Tea would be good.”

I nod, and retreat to the kitchen. While waiting for the water to boil, I hear the shower starting, and a whole new range of emotions joins my already troubled thoughts. At first, it was concern for Ianto, but now it is something more primitive. I can't help myself, I have to imagine the two men in the shower together, Jack propping Ianto's naked body up while he gets him warm again. Is Jack naked, too? Or did he just step under the water in his clothes, his concern for Ianto stronger than his own comfort? I shiver. An image of them together haunts me suddenly, their naked bodies pressed together, glistening from the hot water which makes the whole room steam up. I am ashamed at the stirring of lust in my guts for this is definitely not the right time to feel these things. But I am also surprised that the image of not only Jack's naked body arouses me, but Ianto's, too. Until now, I haven't seen him in this way except for the fact that I've noticed his attractiveness. He is a sweet kid, very easy and pleasant company, and he stirs a surge of protectiveness in me – now that he is so vulnerable even more so than before. But initially I thought them to be the same feelings I had for the men under my command; protectiveness as a father and leader. But this...

I startle as the electric kettle switches off with a click, the soothing, monotone boiling noise of the water stopping all of a sudden.

Hastily, I prepare a mug of tea for Ianto, shoving all of my thoughts forcefully into the darkest corner of my mind, focussing only on caring for Ianto.

The water in the bathroom stop after a while, and I hear voices in Ianto's bedroom. I knock timidly although the door is half open. Jack looks up at me, and once again throws me a grateful smile. I put the mug down on the bedside table while Jack helps Ianto under the covers. The young man looks exhausted, his face flushed with the first signs of a fever. I pick up the mug again and want to hand it to him, but realize very fast that he won't be able to hold it out of his own strength. Jack realizes this, too, and rounds the bed to slip into it on Ianto's other side. Only then do I notice what he is wearing; only some sweatpants, the same pair Ianto handed me on my first night here. I've never seen him in this relative state of undress.

I blush suddenly, and want to avert my gaze, but I push through, and hand him the mug. He helps Ianto curl his fingers around it, and brings it to his lips.

For a moment, I stand beside their bed awkwardly before I nervously clear my throat.

“Right... Do you need anything else?” I look inquisitively at Jack who shakes his head with a smile. 

“No, thanks.”

I nod, and turn to leave.

Ianto's weak voice holds me back.

“Thank you, Jack.”

I turn around again, and meet his grateful gaze. “You're welcome.” I nod briskly at him, and leave them alone.

 

That night, my dreams are a jumbled mess. I dream of Ianto, lying ill in bed, and of Jack holding him tight. But then suddenly, it's me holding the young man in his healing sleep. Some time over the course of my sleeping hours, the pictures change again. I dream of Jack, holding me pressed tight against his naked body. That in itself is nothing new for I have dreamt of him pretty often in the last week, but now I have seen what he really looks like partly naked, and it has fuelled my imagery. To my astonishment, Ianto is there with us, equally naked, our bodies entwining, and writhing together in passion.

In the early hours of dawn, I startle from my sleep, sweat-drenched and painfully aroused. I try to force my erection down, but neither my willpower nor trying to continue sleeping works.

A cold shower does the job in the end.

Having calmed down after, I set upon making breakfast. Can as well do something useful for being up this early.

Not long, and Jack joins me in the kitchen, which slowly gets brightened up by the rising sun.

“Morning,” I greet him, and offer him tea (I, like everybody else, don't dare make coffee for fear of bringing Ianto's wrath upon me). “I hope I haven't woken you up.”

He shakes his head, and takes the mug of tea from me after letting himself fall into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. “No. Not much of a sleeper.”

I join him with my own mug. “How is Ianto?”

“He's still asleep, but he has a light fever, and started coughing some time ago.” He frowns in concern.

“Maybe we should call a doctor.”

“If he doesn't get better by noon, I'll call Owen,” Jack agrees, thoughtfully sipping his tea. He makes a face. “Owen will be an insufferable git without Ianto's coffee. We all are, to be fair.”

I chuckle. “I concur. I think he has spoilt me for any other coffee on this planet.”

Jack throws me a smug grin. “Told ya so.”

We fall into a comfortable silence once again which doesn't last long though, because as soon as Jack has finished his tea, he prepares to return to Ianto with a mug of tea for him.

“I'll make breakfast, all right?” I look inquiringly at him, and he nods gratefully before he leaves the kitchen.

Glad to have something to do, I prepare a light breakfast, adding broth to the scrambled eggs and toast. I forgo baked beans of which the British seem so fond of; it was never my favourite dish, and it isn't good for Ianto in his sick condition.

When I bring the breakfast into the bedroom, Ianto is awake, sitting up in bed, and sipping his tea with Jack's help.

“Good morning.” I smile at him which he weakly returns. “How are you feeling?”

“Dreadful,” he answers, his voice hoarse.

“Here, after that you will feel better.” I set the breakfast tray on his lap, handing Jack a plate with eggs and toast after.

“Is this some secret recipe from your nan, reviving me in no time?” Ianto chuckles.

I huff playfully, and glare at him sternly. “In fact, it is.”

“Okay, then I thank you and your grandmother very much.” His dull eyes twinkle mischievously.

“You better,” I continue the banter. “Now eat. May I help you?”

He is surprised by my offer, but no more than I am. It's not my place to take care of him in this manner but Jack's.

After contemplating this for a while, Ianto nods at me smiling. “Yes, thank you. I feel pretty weak.”

I meet Jack's eye briefly who continues with his breakfast with an amused smile while I ponder how to do this.

In the end, I shrug, and decide to be bold. Settling myself next to Ianto on the bed, leaning against the headboard, I take the spoon from him, and daringly put my right arm around him. “Lean against me,” I whisper, and he slowly complies. We are both tense when he sinks into my arms, but I can't deny how good it feels. Eventually, he goes limp against me, and gives himself over into my care. Under Jack's watchful gaze, I help Ianto eat the broth, my hand tightly wrapped around his weak, trembling one to guide the spoon to his mouth.

“I'll make you some breakfast, too, hm?” Jack offers after a while, and I nod absent-mindedly. I almost don't notice him leaving first the bed and then the room, so focused am I on Ianto.

When the soup is gone, he slumps further back against me. “Thanks,” he says, his voice sounding tired once more.

“You should sleep a little.”

He sighs, but doesn't contradict me, and I carefully ease out from behind him, helping him lie down again. I can't help tucking him tightly in before I take the tray back into the kitchen where Jack awaits me with breakfast already.

I nod at him in thanks, and dig in hungrily while he does the dishes.

 

Instead of returning to work, Jack stays although Ianto is asleep in the bedroom. We mostly talk, he inquiring after my plans for the future. It's a question I've begun contemplating in earnest for a while now. I can't stay forever in Ianto's guest bedroom, after all. To be truthful, I'm not sure what I want to do. Before joining the Air Force, I worked in my father's car dealership, and most of the time spend it with dad's best friend and partner Ol' Tony who had the auto shop which was part of the firm. I don't know if I want to go back to this line of work; I would have to bring myself up to date on the workings of today's cars, of course, even more if I wanted to repair them and not only sell them. But I was a soldier for a long time, too. Maybe my future lies there, I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want to lose contact with neither Ianto or Jack under no circumstances. They have become too big a part of me in this last few days.

Jack is excited about hearing I worked with cars. It seems he has a fondness for tinkering with machines, too, so he encourages me in my idea to go back to that.

“Actually, I wanted to go to college and study engineering, maybe even becoming a university teacher after,” I tell him over another cup of tea. I shrug. “But times were hard, my dad needed me, and I could use the money. So...”

“You could do it now. Go to university, become a renowned professor,” he teases, but he's part serious.

“I'm too old, Jack.”

“Rubbish. You're only thirty.”

“With knowledge dating over sixty years back,” I object. “Every child today knows more than me.”

He makes an annoyed noise and a dismissive hand gesture. “You love it, and have a talent for machines, you would learn fast.”

I evade his gaze, and stare into my tea. “Maybe.”

Oppressive silence settles between us which I can't stand for long. “Let's check on Ianto,” I quickly change the subject, and hastily stand up to flee the living room. I hear Jack following me more slowly.

Ianto is still asleep when we enter the bedroom, but, as if sensing our presence, he slowly stirs.

“Hey.” Jack squats down next to the bed, and smiles tenderly at him. “How are you feeling?” 

Ianto makes a miserable noise.

“Okay, I see.” Jack gently caresses his face, feeling his temperature, and cards his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair. “You're burning up. We need to do something. I'll send Owen, okay.”

“No, please don't,” Ianto argues, and weakly tries to sit up. “I'm not exactly itching for him coming here, and taunting me for succumbing to a mere cold.”

“Which you only caught saving his ass,” Jack reminds him gently, but sternly, finally shedding some light on what happened yesterday.

“It's just a cold,” Ianto protests, and promptly starts coughing violently. “I don't need a doctor for this,” he continues laboriously, his breath wheezing. “Just give me some aspirin and more tea, then I can sleep through it.”

Jack makes a dissatisfied noise, but doesn't argue further. “I can't force you I suppose,” he retreats deeply unhappy.

I blink in indignant confusion. That's it?! He just wants to abide by Ianto's mulishness?!

This isn't on.

I have to step in.

“Ianto,” I gear up for a lengthy discussion, coming to stand next to Jack beside the bed. “Please be reasonable. You could become severely ill if you just want to sit it out. You take such good care of your team and of me. But now is the time to think of yourself. Your well-being is important to us.”

Both Jack and Ianto blink at me in surprise, but I stand firm. It's my job to care for my men. It doesn't matter if they're men under my command, or if they are friends. And if Jack doesn't have the perseverance necessary, then it falls on me to do what's best for Ianto.

“All right,” Ianto finally concurs meekly, and Jack does a double take at Ianto for acquiescing so easily, but he doesn't argue his luck. 

“So... I can call Owen?” Jack asks timidly, and Ianto nods. He is not happy, we can both see that, but he stays compliant.

 

Now, I can understand why Ianto didn't want Owen to come here. From day one the young doctor rubbed me the wrong way, but now he really sets my teeth on edge. I don't know where the animosity between him and Ianto comes from, and it isn't my place to ask, but his taunting and griping while examining his patient is simply unprofessional. Especially if Ianto really only caught the cold because he saved Owen.

Fortunately, Owen doesn't stay long. After telling us that Ianto merely has a cold, and not pneumonia or something equally grave, he writes a few prescriptions, and then leaves.

“I'll go get the meds, all right,” Jack announces after Owen left. He bends down to Ianto, and pecks him on the lips, gently caressing his hair. Somehow, the moment is so intimate and familiar that I avert my gaze to give them some privacy. “I won't be long,” he assures, and Ianto nods weakly. “You'll see, you're as good as new in a trice.”

Ianto snorts through his coughing. “Yeah, somebody has to keep order in the Hub after all.”

Jack grins, and pecks him on the nose as well. “Exactly.”

Ianto weakly shoves him away, and flips him off.

Laughing loudly, Jack leaves the bedroom, and a few seconds later, I hear the front door closing.

“I'll make you some more tea,” I suggest, and go into the kitchen after Ianto nods his assent. 

When I bring him a fresh mug of tea, he asks me to stay with him, much to my surprise.

He must have noticed my incredulous expression, for he hastily back pedals, disappointment clearly written on his features. “I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel obliged.”

“Please,” I placate him, and sit down on the edge of the bed. “It would be an honour to take care of you. We're friends, after all.” I can't help the questioning note at the end of the last sentence.

He nods silently in acceptance, but I can see the happy relief brightening his flushed face. I'm quite happy, too, that he sees me as a friend and not only a burden he takes upon himself because of Jack.

 

Jack returns half an hour later with the meds Owen prescribed. From then on, Jack and I take turns caring for Ianto, providing him with lots of fluids, and making sure that he takes his meds. When he is awake, we both stay with him in the bedroom, Jack sprawled next to him on the bed as is his place, me in the chair I pulled up next to the bed. When he succumbs to sleep, we stay in the living room, talking, or at some point in the early evening watching a movie with aliens in it which seems to amuse Jack to no end while eating the stew I helped him prepare a few hours ago.

Just as the credits roll, and one of us attempts to give Ianto his medicine, Jack's mobile rings. It's Gwen, and from the frown darkening his brow gradually, it can't be good.

“Rift spike,” he sighs in annoyance after he ends the call. “I have to go. Will you be fine on your own, or...” He uncharacteristically bites his lower lip while frowning at me, and before I can say something, continues, “Look, I can't expect you to take care of him. My presence is needed, but I could send one of the others here.”

Now it's my turn to frown at him. “That won't be necessary,” I tell him firmly. “It's the least I can do for his hospitality, but he's also a friend. I'm happy to do this for him.”

Chastened, Jack smiles at me. “Of course. Forgive me.” Ardently, he squeezes my arm. “I'm really glad that you're here to take care of him.”

I nod at him curtly. “I'll tell him that you had to leave.”

He sighs heavily, and it's obvious he'd rather stay with Ianto than deal with whatever came through the Rift. But it's like he told me all those, well, years ago; It's his duty. Nobody understands this better than me.

 

Jack doesn't return that night, but luckily, Ianto isn't disappointed by this. Although not a soldier, he understands perfectly Jack's dedication and sense of duty, and that, in a sense, he and their relationship will always come after Jack's duties to Torchwood and Earth's well-being.

Jack calls in the early morning, sounding tired, that they still had a lot of work to do. I'm concerned about his health, and hope that he at least will rest briefly in his bed under his office, and eat something. But I don't tell him this; he's not a child any more, and more than once people complained about my overprotective attitude.

There's some slight change in Ianto's condition. He's still weak, coughing severely, but thankfully, his fever went down with the help of the meds. In the evening, although feverish once more, he leaves the bed with my help, and I deposit him on the couch, wrapping him in a thick blanket, and he even eats some of the leftover stew and a sandwich. We watch a movie together, him pressed tightly to my side for comfort although he doesn't even notice how familiar he gets with me. I should point it out to him, but it just feels so good. I'm starved for close contact, I realise. Despite the fact that I had this brief fling with Nancy, there was something lacking. She was beautiful, sweet, and kind, and I didn't deserve her, but I didn't feel the love for her that she felt for me. I was empty with her. I only really felt alive when I was in Jack's arms that night.

So, being in such close proximity to Ianto is like Heaven, but at the same time, it's all it can be; just two friends having a good time together. It can't be more although I've realised...

That's how Jack finds us when he comes home, me sitting on the couch with Ianto snuggled up to me, almost asleep again.

The gentle smile Jack gives me in greeting is equally tired which prompts me into action. Gently, I disengage Ianto from me, and stand up.

“Have you eaten?” I ask him. God, I sound like a mother hen again. 

“Had lunch,” he replies. “I'm not hungry anyway.”

“Okay, then... why don't you go to bed, hm?” I nod back at Ianto who's fallen asleep in the meantime. “It will do you good, and it'll make him happy waking up with you.”

“You're very perceptive, Captain,” he grins affectionately albeit tiredly at me.

I return his smile. “To be a good leader, I have to be, Captain.”

“Yeah, that's right.” He crosses the room toward the couch, and crouches down. In an unguarded moment, he strokes Ianto's face, like he did yesterday morning, and he's looking at him with so much tenderness, admiration and affection he normally all hides behind a mask of the cheeky flirt that it pulls at my heart. Then he stands up again with Ianto cradled protectively in his arms. 

“What about you?” he asks me softly so as not to wake the sleeping man he's holding. “You're all alone.”

“It's all right. I'm fine.” I try to sound stoic, but I'm not sure how well I manage to pull it off.

“You could join us,” he offers unexpectedly, and he looks almost shy for a split second before he throws me a familiar salacious grin, wriggling his eyebrows. “The bed is decadently huge.”

Here I hesitate. Longing wells up in me, and threatens to overwhelm me. I shouldn't even consider his offer, but maybe it's the only chance ever to come close to him.

In the end, my craving for human contact – for him – is too strong, and I nod in consent. Jack smiles at me, and then I follow him into the bedroom. Gently, he puts Ianto down on the bed, and tucks him in before he starts slipping off his clothes. I stand frozen, mesmerised by every bit of naked skin that is revealed to me. Down to his boxers and white T-Shirt, he slips into the bed beside a sleeping Ianto. He looks up at me in the dim light of the bedside lamp, and reaches out his hand to me, beckoning me to join them.

As if drawn by him, I mechanically start shedding my clothes as well. When I also wear only my underwear, I hesitantly slide into the bed so that Ianto is between us.

“But,” I put up a last token of protest, “you and him...” 

“We both care for you,” he cuts me off with a gentle smile. “It's all right.”

Still unsure, I nod and lie down, trying to relax while he puts out the light. I feel Ianto's body heat next to me, and hear both of them breathing in the dark. Suddenly, I jump when Jack reaches over Ianto, and puts his hand on my chest reassuringly. Turning my head his way, I try to make out his face, but I only see dark contours. “Good night, Captain.”

And suddenly, all tension pours out of me, and I smile in the dark. “Good night, Captain.”

 

The next morning, Jack is gone, and Ianto is deeply asleep nestled in my arms. Anxious, I try to ease myself out of his hold, but his grip is tight, his head buried against my shoulder.

Suddenly he sniffles in his sleep, and stirs slowly. His eyes flutter open, and he blinks adorably in confusion. Then he freezes when he realises who holds him so tight, and my own relaxed calm evaporates, too.

“Easy,” I tell him softly, loosening my arms around him to give him the chance to move away. 

He doesn't, but his whole body is still stiff with tension.

“Jack... Why...”

“Forgive me. Jack, he...”

“It's all right,” he reassures me hastily, suddenly coughing violently. I hold him through the coughing fit, and afterwards hand him the glass of water I put for him on the night stand yesterday.

He gratefully drinks half of it before he lies back down again in exhaustion.

“I should get you your meds,” I tell him calmly, and climb from the bed, suddenly self-conscious of only wearing boxers and a T-Shirt. 

“Thank you, Jack. I'm really grateful for your help.” 

“You're welcome.” And with that, I flee from the room. Jack is nowhere in sight when I come into the kitchen, and otherwise ev'rything is calm in the apartment. Probably had to return to the Hub urgently.

Midway through the morning, I help Ianto leave the bed and into the bathroom for a shower. He declines my offer of helping him with a blush, and I, flustered myself, stoically ignore the urge to help him and protect him by fleeing the bathroom.

 

I hate running from my problems, but I avoid bringing up this night and the following morning again. It's not as if anything happened, but nonetheless, all three of us have crossed a line. And we can't go back. At least,  _I_ can't go back. I'm falling for him, not only Jack, but now for Ianto too. I have to admit this to myself, I can't deny it much longer. At first I thought it was only the need to protect him, but I've learnt that although kind of vulnerable and innocent, he doesn't need protection. He's strong, and he doesn't realise himself how much Jack relies on him or needs him. Neither does Jack. And now I have come to rely on him, too...

Damn, this whole situation is so complicated. As if my situation isn't worse enough without me falling in love with two men at the same time, and a dedicated couple nonetheless.

For me, the next few days are a little awkward, but I try not to let them notice for they behave totally normal towards me. At least Jack does. Ianto on the other hand sometimes throws me contemplative looks when he thinks I don't see him. The uncomfortable mood lessens slightly when he's recovered again after a few days. With him returned to work, I'm on my own again most of the day. That gives me too much time to think, but at least it's not as awkward as when we're in the same apartment. But once again, I become restless. I've explored Cardiff to the last corner, I've read most of the books Ianto possesses, watched a lot of his movie collection, and I've brought myself up to date on everything that's important for living in this new time via the internet.

Jack shows more attentiveness than I thought 'cause one evening when he's at Ianto's for dinner like he is most evenings over the course of the last week, he surprisingly addresses my restless state.

“Come with us to the Hub,” he suddenly suggests during our meal. 

Both Ianto and I freeze in surprise.

“What?!”

“I'm serious. It's obvious that you need something to do. You're restless.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “So, why not come back to work with us.”

“I've no experience with aliens or time travel or whatever,” I start to argue, but he waves me away. 

“Doesn't matter. You're diligent. And I'm not putting you out there as a field agent after all. Not yet anyway. But maybe you can help Tosh. She can show you a few technical tricks. Analysing our findings can be pretty exciting, too.” 

He winks at me salaciously which I counter with a stoic gaze. But I know what he intends with that; if I really want to pursue a career in engineering, it surely can't hurt if an expert like Toshiko tutors me. Despite that, he knows I start to feel useless, not only restless, and he wants to offer me something meaningful to do.

“There's no need to fabricate a new life for you away from Torchwood,” Jack continues, pointedly nonchalant, but I seem to be not the only one hearing the implied “away from us” if I interpret Ianto's gaze correctly. “You're of more use to us at Torchwood than out there living a civilian life, where we... well, where we had to erase all of your memories of us.” The thought suddenly makes me almost physically ill. Jack and Ianto seem to avoid thinking of such a thing at all costs as well. “You're a soldier, so you know that it will become dangerous. No kidding yourself there.” 

“Careful, Jack,” Ianto cautions. “He doesn't know the kinds of danger we have to deal with. If he underestimates them, he will get killed.”

Jack nods seriously, but waves Ianto's concerns away. “That's why he will not be a field agent in the beginning.” He turns to me again. “What do you say?”

Despite all the doubts I may have about my own abilities, I don't have to think about my answer.

“Yes,” I reply because it is the only one possible for me. If I like it or not, Jack and Ianto are the only anchors I have in this new world; I can't give them up, even if I wanted to.

 

The next morning, I accompany them to the Hub. To say that Gwen and Owen are scandalised puts it lightly.

“What do you mean, he's going to work with us!?” Gwen cries indignantly, and looks frantically from Jack to me to Ianto.

“It's not that hard to understand, Gwen,” Jack bristles, but tries to appear calm and in control of the situation, crossing his arms before his chest. “From now on, Jack will be part of this team,” he states with finality.

Gwen splutters, not a good look for her, and looks to Toshiko for help, but the other woman just shakes her head no at Gwen, and smiles at me in welcome. Then she looks at Owen who crosses his arms before his chest as well. He glares at Jack.

“It's against the rules!” he backs her up, making Jack glare darkly at him in return. “Making a Rift refugee part of the team.”

“You don't tell me anything about rules, Owen Harper!”

This shuts the doctor up for now, but he still glares rebelliously at his leader.

Jack stems his hands into his hips defiantly. “To make it short; I don't care.” He glares ferociously at Gwen. “And you,  _Mrs. Williams_ -to-be, may I remind you of your own temper tantrum regarding your fiancé knowing about us, and your vehemence that I don't Retcon him.”

I don't know what this is about, but she blushes chastened, and averts her gaze.

“Rhys is part of my life,” she mumbles petulantly which only makes Jack bristle some more. 

“And Jack is part of _my_ life. Of mine and Ianto's, and if one of you has a problem with that, file an official complaint. I may even read it.”

“You always moan about hiring new people,” Ianto quips in calmly.

“Yeah,” she concurs. “But not...”

“What?!” Ianto snaps at her sharply. “He not good enough for the team? Because he's from the past? Because he still has a lot to learn about our world?”

“No, I... Look, I didn't mean it that way.”

“Then how did you mean it, Gwen?” Ianto challenges. “You may be from this time, but regarding aliens, you were as clueless as him when you started here. We all were before we came to work for Torchwood. At least he can shoot a gun already.” 

Gwen flinches at the obvious barb, and the others avert their eyes, some to hide their spiteful snickers, some in embarrassment.

“I'm... I'm sorry,” she finally mumbles, and peeks at Ianto from under her fringe. 

“Don't apologise to me, apologise to Jack.” Ianto frowns before he amends, “To both of them.”

“I'm sorry,” she states firmly, her cheeks flushed, and her gaze flicks only shortly to Jack, and then to me.

I nod at her stiffly. “It's all right.”

 

Apart from this little incident, my start at Torchwood goes smoothly. Or as smoothly as starting at an institution like Torchwood can go. At least I don't mess up on my first few days. It's mostly Toshiko who is responsible for me, and after she gave me the grand tour (except for the archives; nobody dares venture down there because, like Gwen told me, they all would mess them up anyway which would bring down Ianto's wrath upon them – especially Jack is banished from the vast archives, apparently because in him tinkering with the files for a good hundred years, he is responsible for most of Ianto's workload... and most of his nightmares regarding the archives), she explains my future chores, and takes it upon her to show me how the computers work.

“Don't worry,” she placates me after my first day is over, and my head feels like it may explode every second now from all the information she tried to cram in it just within a few hours. “Owen is hopeless with them most of the time, and Jack's only adept when he wants to be though theoretically, he knows much more than all of us.” 

Working with the team is easy. Somehow, the dynamic between Jack, Ianto, and myself is flawless; I fit in like a puzzle piece, as if I've always worked with them. Toshiko is pleasant company, too, and after a while, she unbends a bit, and I get to know here witty side as well. Gwen, still feeling guilty about her vehemence of me working with them, is a caring and loving woman, and fiercely protective of those she considers friends and family. Sometimes she's too caring, too overbearing though which is hard to endure mostly because I can be like that as well; Only that I don't impose my attitude on the others like a bull in a china shop. I meet her fiancé, Rhys, too, when one evening the whole team goes out for drinks. He blinks at both Jack and me, and then bemoans the fact that there are now two Jack Harknesses. But all in all he is a good guy, and we spent a pleasant evening together once he realises that I'm not like Jack (whom he obviously can't stand). I'll probably never get warm with Owen though; he tries too much to butt head with Jack already. Adding one more alpha to the team doesn't make the dynamics better. This leads – and no doubt will lead in the future – to some critical confrontations, and I'm glad that my field of work won't intersect too much with his. It's better that way because every time he says something mean or degrading to Toshiko or Ianto, I can't help but want to give him a piece of my mind since Jack doesn't get him under control. I've got nothing against a gruffy demeanour, but some of the things he says really hurt Toshiko's feelings, even more since she's clearly in love with the doctor. So, I stay away from him as much as possible.

Aside from that, there are all the wonders to discover down here. Not only Myfanwy who I've met already, but the Weevils and all of the fantastic, maybe even dangerous artefacts, a lot of them not yet identified in their purpose (although Jack claims a lot of them are sex toys to which Ianto only drily replies every time that for Jack, everything he gets his hands on is a potential sex toy), others with incredible functions, and a few just being everyday gadgets albeit pretty futuristic ones. I'm busy already just staying in the Hub without even getting the excitement of being out there. I'm anxious to experience what my life as a field agent will be like some day. I can hardly wait. It's almost more exciting than flying!

 

“You must feel like Captain America, hm?”

I return Owen's enquiring look with confusion. “I'm sorry, but I don't know what you are talking about.”

“Oh, oh,” cries Gwen excitedly. “I know! My cousin loves the comics, and one of the things I can remember is that Captain America gets frozen, and wakes up again decades in the future.” She grins at me. “You are like him.”

I still don't understand.

“I believe,” Owen continues, and crosses his arms before his chest, scrutinising me thoughtfully, “the first Captain America comic came out 1941. So, we have proof; he doesn't simply share a similar fate as Captain America, I'd say he _is_ Captain America, what with him being the perfect little soldier an' all.”

“That's brilliant!” Gwen claps her hands giddily like a little school girl.

Gradually, I feel jerked around.

“Kids, please!” Jack cries from his office in exasperation. 

“Come on, Jack,” Gwen cries back. “We're only having a bit of fun.”

“Not at Jack's expense, you don't.”

“How about trying to read a real book, Owen. Gwen.” Ianto looks impassively from one to the other, and still manages to look boringly patronising.

“Hmpf, as if you never read comics,” Owen huffs. “Bet you loved all those muscled guys in tight costumes.”

Ianto smiles sweetly at him. “Sorry to disappoint you. I was a  _kid_ when I read them. Not interested in men in tights.”

Owen opens his mouth to retort something, but Jack cuts him off, ending the pending fight between those two. “It's enough. The only reference to 'Captain' I want to hear is Jack's or my rank, do I make myself clear.” He searches my gaze. “Jack, with me. Ianto, archives. Now.”

Ianto nods curtly, but he can't hide the stroppy twitch of his nose while he follows Jack's order, and disappears downstairs.

Owen sniggers at Ianto's reprimand, but now it's me who cuts him off brusquely. “You have no right to mock this rank or the people who stand behind it. They fought bravely for this country. Don't forget that.”

With that, I ditch him, following Jack into his office. The doctor's indignant huff accompanies me on my way, and Gwen looks a little sheepish. Like I said, sometimes she's too much.

“What was that about?!” I bristle once Jack has closed his office door behind us.

Jack shrugs, and sits down. “It's nothing bad. Actually, they didn't mean to offend you.”

“Huh, and what, pray tell, did they mean?”

Over the next ten minutes, Jack explains to me who this Captain America character is so that afterwards even I see a certain irony in it. We both chuckle at the thought.

“Doesn't mean that it was right of them to make fun like that,” I state my point though, crossing my arms before my chest. “Not because of me. They have to learn not to speak without thinking of the consequences they cause. These two are awfully fast in hurting other's feelings without thinking.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jack sighs. “Sometimes they're both a bit much. Especially together. Amazes me that they didn't kill each other during their fling.” This last sentence is muttered under his breath, but I heard him regardless. I throw him a sharp gaze which he returns sheepishly; he is awfully prone to gossip sometimes.

“Well,” he clears his throat with an uneasy chuckle. “Back to work, shall we.”

I throw him a final reprimanding mock glare before exiting his office, he directly behind me before disappearing somewhere into the bowels of the Hub.

 

Despite Toshiko's directions, I still manage to almost get lost on my way down into the archives a while later. Normally, I'm good at finding my way – I'm a pilot, I have to be – and Ianto showed me around, but obviously I underestimated the sheer vastness of the Hub's lower levels. Eventually, I see light shining through a gap in a door, and I fancy hearing some noise. Coming closer, I definitely make out Ianto's voice, but it sounds strange. Trepidation comes over me, and I creep closer. My hand wants to grab for my weapon out of instinct, but we normally are not armed in the Hub save for Jack. Breathing shallowly, I carefully near the door, but before I can peek through the gap in the door, a loud moan makes me freeze.

“Fuck, Jack!” Ianto cries breathlessly. “Yes, there...”

And suddenly, I know what's going on.

Heat spreads through me, making my face burn, and I just want to turn around, and flee, but another moan, this time clearly coming from Jack, makes me hesitate. “Hold on to me,” he instructs Ianto breathlessly, and I can't help myself; I have to see them. Shame making my face even hotter, I softly step up to the door, and look through the gap in it. My breath catches in my throat, almost choking me, and instant lust shoots through every pore in my body at the sight before me. Jack has Ianto spread out over the sturdy desk the younger man uses as his workplace down here. He's naked from the waist down, his creamy legs wrapped tightly around Jack's waist. His red shirt is crumbled, and one of the open halves hangs from his left shoulder. His upper body glistens with sweat, the thick dark hair on his chest damp and matted. His tie still hangs around his neck, askew. He is so beautiful in his passion and abandon. I want to go over to them, and suck at his neck which he has bared to my hungry eyes when he threw back his head with a loud moan just a second ago. My feverish gaze slides down his body to where he and Jack are connected. I can't see much, the sight of Jack's muscular ass is blocking my sight. I gulp heavily as I take in the firm globes flexing with every thrust with which he drives himself forcefully into Ianto.

I watch them a few more moments, their heavy breathing and moans like music in my ears, and my hand instinctively sneaks down to grip myself tightly through my trousers.

“Jack!” Ianto screams, almost choking on Jack's name – on my name, I realise with a shiver, and I would only have to close my eyes to imagine he means me – when the older man delivers an especially vigorous thrust, and both their bodies freeze for a second in orgasm.

Ianto's ecstatic cry rips me from my stupor, and breathing heavily in tandem with them, I thrust myself away from the door hastily, flattening my burning body against the ice cold brick wall of the corridor. I squeeze my eyes shut, mortification of my actions and all-consuming desire swirling through me, making me nauseous. I take my hand from my erection as if burned, instead biting down on my fist so as not to utter a sound. I should get away from them as fast as I can, but I worry that I, in my agitated state, would become clumsy, and trip over my own feet in my haste to get away. The thought of them catching me spying on them is more mortifying than ev'rything else.

So, I stay for a moment, hardly daring to breath for fear they might hear me although my burning lungs desperately want to draw in huge gulps of air.

Beyond the door, I hear the rustling of clothes together with heavy breathing, and the protesting squeak of wood.

“Why so ardent?” Ianto chuckles with a groan – probably climbing from the uncomfortable desk –, but doesn't sound as if he complains. Not after the spectacle I'd witnessed...

“You know why.”

Ianto sighs heavily. “Yeah, I know.”

“This can't go on. All this sexual tension in the Hub drives me crazy.”

“Would you have slept with him?” I hear Ianto ask bluntly and out of the blue. “Back in 1941. If you'd had the chance?”

I freeze when I realise they talk about me.

“Yes,” Jack answers immediately without hesitation. A renewed frisson of excitement runs through me at hearing his admission, and once again I bitterly bemoan the fact that we had so little time together, that I had to content myself with one dance and one kiss, whereas Ianto has all of this fascinating man we both care deeply for.

“You know me, you know how I am,” Jack continues in weak self-defence.

“And we weren't together back then, only sleeping with each other,” Ianto confirms, clearly more bemused about Jack's attempts at justification than hurt or scornful.

“Exactly.”

“It wasn't meant as an accusation.”

“Oh.” Jack sounds lost for a moment, and I risk another peek through the gap in the door. He stands uncertainly before Ianto, watching him getting dressed again. But then a noticeable surge goes through his body, and he straightens. “And you?” he asks.

Questioningly, Ianto turns to him while buttoning up his crumbled shirt.

“Would you sleep with him if you had the chance?”

Jack scrutinises Ianto intently, making his younger lover's cheeks go red, so much that he averts his gaze, and busies himself intently with adjusting his tie.

“I admit I... am attracted to him, yes,” Ianto admits a little flustered, and once again desire sizzles through my body like crackling flames at hearing this. The desire I feel for him is suddenly much stronger than what I feel for Jack. It's surprising. And frightening... 

“You were right in your description of him; he really is a fascinating man. Honourable, and strong, and caring.”

“That he is,” Jack agrees, grinning, and steps up to Ianto, pressing himself to his front, his strong hands on Ianto's now clothed hips. Ianto's hands fall weakly from his tie so that it still hangs around his neck a little askew. “And damn good-looking.”

“That too,” Ianto moans breathlessly when Jack's hands start to slip around from his hips, and start massaging his ass. “Must be the name.”

“Probably,” Jack mumbles while bending down to nip at Ianto's neck. “It's a good name.”

“That it is, you smug bastard.” Ianto starts to reciprocate by bringing his hands up to Jack's chest, and pinching his nipples through his shirt. The older man hitches a surprised gasp. “You want kudos for discovering it or what.”

“Would be nice, yes.” Jack lets up on Ianto's neck as well as his cheeky teasing in favour of moving up to his mouth and kissing him deeply.

My arousal surges anew with a vengeance, and it's all I can do not to moan loudly. I really should get out of here as fast as possible. While they are distracted, I take my chance, and carefully slip away from the door and down the tunnel. I try not to strain my ears to hear their breathless moans one last time.

 

Two days later, I still haven't completely forgotten what I've seen – how could I –, but at least I can face them without blushing furiously.

By midday, the others are out, investigating two minor sightings separately, leaving me to hold fort in the Hub, and eventually providing the team with lunch upon their return. Up until now, that has been Ianto's task, but Jack and I both agreed that Ianto, since he's a field agent by now, should be relieved of the dirty work. Instead it should be the newbie – me – doing it. Ianto's protest yesterday had been profound; apparently, he wouldn't want to see a man of my status doing such low assignments, but that's bullshit. No matter my standing in my old life, here I am the new team member, and Ianto is a senior agent, no matter that he thinks I'm the more qualified one for being out there in the field. The poor boy thinks he's only good enough for managing the Hub. Don't get me wrong, he is a genius in organising and forging things, and I'm under no illusion that I will ever be as good as him, but at least he should let me do the less skilful tasks like ordering food, taking care of the Weevils, or taking Jack's things to the dry-cleaner (although it wouldn't hurt the Captain to go for himself, and the same goes for the others; they've relied for far too long on Ianto serving them, thus spoiling them instead of sharing this less than fanciful workload). The coffee is the exception, though. Nobody makes coffee like Ianto, and none of us would ever be able to figure the coffee machine out (and we wouldn't dare touching it in the first place).

So, when they inform me over the coms that they will return shortly, I go out to get lunch. I've already researched the available food sources in the vicinity of the Plass, and decided to approach a more healthy diet for the team from now on. Ianto confessed that he always wanted to wean them off the greasy fast food – himself included –, but it's simply been the most convenient. Well, tough, from now on, they will eat healthy food, no matter how much Jack, Gwen, and Owen may moan. Not far from the Plass is a restaurant similar to the one I visited with Ianto on my first evening here, serving substantial but healthy take away. They do deliver, but for this time, I want to go get it myself, scouting what they have on offer (and, admittedly, I'm not one hundred percent sure of the protocol regarding food deliveries to the Hub; have to talk to Ianto about that). While I wait for our lunch, I take a walk around the neighbourhood, exploring the other shops in this area. Since working for Torchwood, I haven't had much time to get to know the immediate vicinity of the bay area. It's kind of exciting watching all those modern people bustling about their hectic everyday life, and for a few moments, I feel highly out of place among them. Though it's not hard to get by in this world, I feel like an outsider. That's probably how Jack sometimes feels, never really being one of them because of his curse. Deeply lost in thought, I look back to the water tower rising up high over the other buildings. I think it's probably telling that I've found my footing in there with Torchwood so quickly, but still struggle out here.

A bout of shouting and angry honking a few feet away breaks me from my wool-gathering, and I make my way back to collect our lunch.

 

When I return to the Hub, Gwen, Owen, and Toshiko have already returned, only Ianto and Jack are nowhere to be seen. They pounce on me gleefully when they see the tray of food bags I am about to carry up to the conference room, but I dodge them quickly. They follow me like a bunch of starved puppies, and eagerly settle down at the table. Luckily, Jack and Ianto choose that moment to return as well for I'm not sure how long I would have managed to contain the three seemingly famished agents. Didn't they have anything for breakfast? I thought they were independent adults who could take care of themselves, but obviously, I was wrong. Shaking my head in exasperation, I start dishing up lunch. I startle when I feel a warm hand squeezing my arm, and look up in surprise. “Thank you, Jack,” Ianto smiles at me. “That looks delicious.” I involuntarily blush when he says 'delicious' although I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant as a double entendre.

“And healthy!” Owen's moan breaks the intense moment, and we both turn our best glares on him.

“It's good for you,” I snap.

He snorts at that. “I'm a doctor. I know what is good for my body, thanks.”

“Don't know which university taught you that, but pizza and booze are not healthy food, sorry,” Ianto quips in dryly at which Owen bristles.

“Fuck off, Tea Boy, and bother someone who's interested in your health campaign.” 

“You're welcome to get lunch for us next time by yourself,” I calmly tell Owen. “Only because you're a doctor doesn't mean you're above tasks like that.”

At this, Owen bristles some more, while Gwen almost chokes on her food since she's laughing so hard, and Toshiko tries to hide her impressed smile by letting her hair fall forward around her face.

Jack sighs long-sufferingly, and aborts the motion of snatching up his plate to probably go eat it in his office. “Could you please stop behaving like spoiled brats, and let me eat in peace for once!”

Owen opens his mouth to retort something further, but one pointed glare from Jack shuts him up for a change.

Needless to say that the mood is bad for the rest of our lunchtime. Ianto doesn't even make coffee afterwards.

Therefore, I'm all the more surprised when a steaming mug of coffee materialises before me at my new post in the tourist office not half an hour later. Questioningly, I look up at Ianto who shrugs.

“Only because Owen's a prat doesn't mean that the rest of you should suffer.” A small smile plays around his lips. “Jack's pretty cranky when he's caffeine deprived.”

“All too understandable,” I smile at him, and he blushes at the compliment. 

He settles casually on the edge of the counter, and looks around as if seeing this room for the first time. “And?” he asks gingerly. “Is this... all right?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs. “Manning the tourist office has been my task until now, and that was okay. You on the other hand...”

I frown at him. “Ianto. I'm not better than you are.”

“You are an Air Force Captain. You are a war hero. I'm nothing more than a kid from Splott who just happens to be good at tidying things up.”

Shocked, I stare at him, utterly speechless, before I jump up in agitation. “That's not true!” My sudden outburst makes us both flinch in surprise. “You worked hard for a better life,” I continue much softer, but still shaken, looking down on him gently.

He shrugs once more, and I don't like the self-deprecating air surrounding this shrug one bit. “Maybe, but on my way I've bollocksed it up so many times...”

Luckily, Toshiko had told me in confidence what happened with Ianto's girlfriend, so that now I at least know what he's implying. “Ev'rybody makes mistakes,” I tell him firmly. “From what I've learned, all of you have at one time.”

He scrutinizes me intently for a moment until a light of comprehension dawns in his eyes when he realises that I know. “Still... I knew how dangerous the Cybermen are, and I still smuggled her in here.”

“Because you loved her,” I insist. 

“Yes. And that clouded my good judgement. Owen lets me still feel it ev'ry opportunity he gets.”

“Owen's a prat.”

This makes him smile softly. “We established that already.”

I join in his chuckle, but become serious once more. I can't help myself, and put my hand on his, squeezing gently. “Ianto,” I say insistently, “You are one of the most talented, strong, warm-hearted, handsome men I know, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I feel the blush creeping up on my face for the handsome part – why did I say that?! –, but I stoically look him in the eye.

Ianto stares up at me with big, astonished eyes, and a soft blush slowly spreads over his cheeks as well. “You really think that?”

“Of course,” I declare heatedly, sensing that nobody ever told him that, not even Jack, and my feet involuntarily bridge the small distance between us. Not only my feet, but also my mouth seems to have a life of its own, for I certainly didn't approve the next words that come out of my mouth, “You are incredible. Jack is a damn lucky man to have you, and I wish...”

I'm not really sure how I wanted this sentence to end, but to curb further damaging, embarrassing words, I force myself to do something. And the first thing to come to mind to shut me up is to lean forward, and kiss him passionately.

Way to go, Harkness...

The little aroused moan of surprise Ianto makes sets my body ablaze with desire, but at the same time, this small noise brings me forcefully back to reality.

I fling myself away from Ianto as if burned, and stare at him in shock. “I-I'm sorry,” I stammer, caught off guard, and immediately let go of Ianto completely to take a step back.

He looks equally thrown, but makes a placating hand gesture (nonetheless, his hand is trembling slightly). “No, it's all right.”

“That was uncalled-for.”

“Really, it's fine,” Ianto tries to placate me, though I see he is as shaken as me. His gaze flicks nervously up to the various cameras installed in here, and sudden fear grips me.

“Jack doesn't need to know,” I try to reassure him hastily. “And it's been my fault anyway.”

Ianto shakes his head forcefully. “No, that's... that's not it.”

And that's when I recall both of them admitting to desiring me two days ago. But... admitting to desiring a third party outside a relationship, and one of them acting on this desire are two different pairs of shoes. Maybe Jack would want to explore outside of his relationship, but Ianto wouldn't. He's devoted, and traditional like, and he really loves Jack.

He suddenly looks at me, and his gaze is so knowing and piercing that I shudder involuntarily. “Let's not beat around the bush, okay; I know that you were there two days ago in the archives.”

My face gets unbearably hot in shame, and I avert my eyes. “I'm sorry,” I whisper.

Ianto's chuckle makes me look up again in surprise. “It's quite all right,” he assures me with a cheeky smile. “But... now that you know, we seem to find each other in a slight predicament.”

“I would never come between you two!” I cry in panic. 

When he suddenly takes my hand gingerly in his, I flinch in surprise, but never take my gaze away from his face.

“But we want you to,” he explains calmly. “Not come between us, of course, but... be a part of us.”

Have I misheard?! He can't mean that. It's preposterous. “And you would be okay with that?!”

“You have to understand, for me, it's not men in general, only him,” Ianto elucidates, and gives me a self-deprecating smile. “And here we are.”

I laugh out loud, as much in amusement as in sudden hysterical relief. “Yes, here we are.” I become serious once more in the next second though. “Though I have to tell you, for me, it is men in general, but especially him. And only now do I have the opportunity to act on my inclination. I never really had the chance. I never dared. It just wasn't worth it – my position, my men, and my mission more important than carnal pleasure.”

“That has changed,” Ianto says. “There are no laws against your sexual orientation any more, and there is no war that you have to concern yourself with.”

“But there is, after all that I've seen here.”

He shrugs. “Well, sometimes, but... it doesn't have to be your concern. I'd rather you get to live your new life.”

“But I choose this line of work instead of walking away from it, didn't I...” From you, but I don't add that. “And it's your concern, too.”

Ianto shrugs. “Somebody has to save the world.”

“I know,” I counter stubbornly. “And if you're part of it, then it is my concern as well.”

He suddenly smiles at me bashfully, but at the same time teasingly. “Trying to protect me, Captain?”

“Yes,” I answer firmly which leaves him stunned. 

“You... you don't have to,” he stammers eventually, still gob-smacked as it seems. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know. But everybody should have someone who protects him.”

He looks at me with a strange, contemplating expression on his face, but only nods jerkily in reply.

“And who protects you?”

We both spin around at Jack's voice suddenly sounding through the office, me immediately feeling as if we've done something forbidden.

I blink at him for a moment, holding his enquiring gaze, and ignoring his suggestive grin, and even more so the concern clearly shining through this carefree demeanour. I clear my throat, and draw myself up to my full height. “I can take care of my own.”

Jack abandons his spot at the hidden door to the Hub, and instead draws nearer. He stops just barely ten centimetres from me away, but his close proximity doesn't alarm me overly much. Fluster, yes, but nothing else. It's not as if I don't want him that near to me.

“I know”, he replies. “All of us can take care of ourselves, but...” His gaze flicks to Ianto briefly, but I can't see his reaction for he's standing behind me. “But no matter how strong, or smart, or tough we are, we all need someone. I've learnt the hard way. So, please don't be too proud to accept care... and love.” His eyes flits to Ianto once more, and he swallows heavily. “Care and love from us.”

Now it's me who has to swallow heavily, and I look at him with wide eyes. “You're serious,” I breathe, and finally turn around to Ianto. The younger man nods at me determinedly. Then, I look at Jack once more. “You both want me with you?”

“Yes,” Jack answers, and the tone of his voice leaves no room for doubt or protest. To confirm this, he leans forward, and presses his lips against mine. I hold my breath involuntarily as finally, finally! I get to feel his lips again on mine. 

The kiss is as good as the first one so many weeks ago. Even better because now it's not tainted with the pain of goodbye. Now it's ablaze with hope, spreading through my whole body, and setting every cell on fire.

I blink dazedly when he draws back, and only now do I remember to take in a breath again. But I've barely drawn air into my lungs when my breath catches again as it's now Ianto kissing me next. His kiss is so different, much calmer even if not less passionate, but it's equally as good. I want to drown in it, in them both, and maybe, I realise, I get to have the chance to do that.

“Do you believe us?” Ianto breaths against my lips, and I nod vigorously. “And... do you want us, too?”

“It's my greatest wish,” I reply heartfelt, earning myself a happy smile from Ianto before I feel Jack's warm body pressed against my back in the next second so that both my future lovers engulf me tightly in their embrace. 

And I have to say, there is no place I'd rather be.

 

In the next few days, we don't get much time to deepen our new-found relationship for the Rift has other ideas. And when this crisis is managed, it's not as if we all tumble into bed together, as much as we'd secretly like to.

No.

I don't remember whose idea it was, but we've all agreed to take this slowly, and a bit more traditionally. Jack and Ianto started unconventionally enough, first sleeping with each other, and only months after going on a first date which has slowly evolved into a real relationship. I know they regret this somewhat, that Ianto sometimes still feels unworthy of Jack's affections, and is unsure of his standing with him because they started out as a office affair like a dirty little secret, and that Jack is self-conscious he won't be able to offer Ianto all that he deserves emotionally. Both is nonsense, but they feel as they feel, and I think only time will be able to chase these thoughts away. They have explained this to me – separately – which is why we now sit all three together in a fine restaurant to slowly get used to this new dynamic between us.

I have to admit, it's a bit strange. For any outsiders it might look like three friends having dinner together, but everyone who'll look more closely will see the intimacy between us, the little touches that last longer than really appropriate, the looks, almost smouldering in their intensity. I don't care what people might think, mind, neither does Ianto any more, and especially not Jack, but it's strange nonetheless. Ianto seems to think so as well for he looks a little strained, not as at ease as he normally does.

“It's just... it's strange,” Ianto admits when Jack notices his high-strung demeanour.

Jack laughs good-naturedly. “What? Three hot, young guys dining together? Well... Screw the 'young' for two third of this relationship, but you get my meaning.”

“That's easy for you to say,” Ianto objects. “I bet this isn't the first threesome you have.”

Jack chuckles, his gaze becoming dreamy in reminiscence. “No, indeed. There was this one night with my two executioners when...”

“Jack!”

He trails off at Ianto's exasperated reprimand, but smirks at him cheekily. At least he managed to distract Ianto from his uneasiness, and me as well, and the ice is completely broken when I ask some time later why some people take photos of their meals.

 

It's the first of many dates we go on together over the next few weeks. Not all of them are in public, instead, a few of them are a repetition of the relaxed, intimate evenings we've already spend together at Ianto's as just friends, enjoying a home-cooked meal together and a film, or just talking until late at night. With the only difference that now we sit much closer together, and there are stolen kisses during cooking or while snuggling up on the couch during a film. It leaves us all painfully aroused every time, every one of us yearning to go that one little step further, but we've all agreed on taking it slow after all.

But then, one evening, after a formidable dinner cooked by Jack (and with a little help from Ianto and me), he suddenly looks seriously at both of us over the rim of his wine glass.

“Jack?” Ianto asks uncertainly, and puts down his own glass of wine. He scrutinises him with a hint of worry.

Jack smiles at him reassuringly, and starts to play with the stem of his glass in an uncharacteristic nervous, but somehow endearing fashion.

“I think I'm not the only one who, over the last few weeks, has thought of going further with this.” He indicates the three of us with a wave of his hand, looking both of us firmly in the eye. 

Ianto is the first who reacts to Jack's words. “Yes,” he answers carefully. “We all know that we have.”

“Then I think it's time to take this step.”

They both look at me, and although I know perfectly well what they are implying, I need a moment to digest all of this. Then, I blink at them. “All three of us?!” I whisper breathlessly.

Jack laughs good-naturedly at me. “Yeah, that was the plan.”

Yes, I know. Deep down I knew, but the concept is so... I've only ever thought of Ianto and me, or Jack and me. I've never dared, at least not consciously, to imagine what it would be like between the three of us. It's so... I don't even have the words for it. Decadent doesn't describe it even in the slightest.

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves.

“You don't have to if you have doubts,” Ianto assures me, but I shake my head. 

“I want to.” I look up to return their firm gazes. “More than you know.” I shrug a little helpless, and smile sheepishly at them. “It's just... This is... Only thinking about such a thing...”

Jack smiles at me warmly, and stands up from the table. He holds out his hand to me in invitation. “I know.”

Swallowing heavily, I take his hand, and allow him to pull me to my feet. Ianto follows suit wordlessly. I barely dare to breath when Jack stands so close before me, still holding my hand tightly. “Your terms,” he says. “You set the pace, and you decide what we will do. When you don't like something, just tell us. Is that okay?”

I nod jerkily before I can think too closely on it, and get cold feet.

This makes him smile broadly at me, and my already a little shaky knees get even weaker at this smile. My breath hitches when he raises our clasped hands to his mouth, and presses a kiss to the back of my hand. Then his gaze flits to Ianto questioningly. I can't see his answering nod, but it has had to be affirmative because Jack's smile, if that is at all possible, becomes even more brilliant, and he starts to gently pull me out of the kitchen.

I follow him willingly, never taking my eyes off of him, and all the time hearing Ianto's soft footsteps behind us.

In Ianto's bedroom, they sandwich me between them, Ianto encircling my waist with his arms loosely, and Jack stepping up real close to me before he leans forward with a smile to kiss me. Though I'm familiar with this sensation already, I immediately moan when his lips collide with mine forcefully, but at the same time incredibly gentle. For a few long minutes, we simply kiss while Ianto's hands lovingly caress my upper body. But then he leans in as well, and fastens his lips to my neck, kissing and nibbling the skin there, and his clever fingers wander to the buttons of my shirt to tantalisingly open one after the other. In reaction, I instinctively pull Jack closer to me by the hips, and deepen the kiss even more. Now it's him who moans into my mouth at my forcefulness, but he's not the only one for long because Ianto's hands sliding between my open shirt to caress my chest make me groan as well.

“Tell me what you've done,” Jack suddenly demands between kisses, his hot breath fanning against my lips, and I greedily drink it all in, his breath, his words. He wriggles his hands between my body and Ianto's to put them on my backside, and he starts to massage my cheeks through my trousers. “Have you touched other men? Let them touch you?”

“Yes,” I moan, painfully aroused, and can't decide if I should press back into his massaging hands and Ianto's hardness, or push my groin forward against his equally hard erection.

“Where?” he demands, digging his fingers into the flesh of my bottom. “Where did they touch you?”

I moan loudly as his fingers dig into my backside, surely leaving bruises. Shakily, I reach around, and grab his hand. I bring it back to my front, and place his hand on my aching erection.

I feel Jack's grin widen against my lips. “Thought as much,” he murmurs, and suddenly deepens the kiss again. I moan once more as his tongue slips into my mouth, challenging my own to duel with it.

“There's so much to teach you,” he coos happily. “Will be even more fun than teaching Ianto.” He throws a quick, challenging grin over my shoulder at Ianto. I still can't see the other man, but he stops kissing my neck, and takes his hands from my chest. I whimper in protest, but he quickly grabs my shirt, and slides it off, throwing it somewhere behind us. While Ianto has started to divest me of my clothes, Jack had started stripping as well. I can't take my eyes off of him, every inch of skin bared to my hungry eyes is like water in the desert. Unlike me, he doesn't stop at his shirt, and before I can even blink, he stands before me completely naked, completely unashamed of and at ease with his nudity. It gives him even greater appeal. I feel slightly numb with rapture, my twitching fingertips the only thing I can move because they itch to touch him while the rest of my body is afraid to move lest this magnificent being before me might somehow vanish. 

But then he has bridged the distance between us, and I am in his arms again. I whimper into his mouth when our naked chests rub against each other, my nipples catching against his so that the friction makes them hard, and when suddenly Ianto presses himself against my back, his chest bare as well now, I almost feel overwhelmed. I shudder, and don't know if I should press forward or backwards.

They lead me to the bed, pressing me down onto the mattress, and I let myself be moved about willingly like a puppet. I look up at them as they stand next to the bed, looking down on me with burning eyes, Ianto now as naked as Jack. Obviously, I'm so far gone that I didn't even notice him undressing. Like big cats, they climb onto the bed tantalisingly slow, their movements confident and graceful, and settle on either side of me. I still wear my trousers, but not for long as four deft hands start to strip me of the rest of my clothes.

When all three of us are naked, they sandwich me between them, and their seeking lips and wandering hands latch on to my body while their hot bodies press against mine. I can feel their cocks against my hips, hard and hot and heavy, smearing precome against my skin.

From then on, everything is a daze to me. The sensations of their fingers caressing my chest, of rubbing and pinching my nipples, their lips kissing and sucking and nibbling at my neck, then my chest make me dizzy with lust. When they turn their attentions from my upper to my lower body, I can't help the keening noise I make. Hands, I don't know whose, stroke my hip and my thighs, creeping tantalisingly on to the inside so I spread them instinctively, and two hot mouths set to work on my groin area.

I never had someone suck me off, only ever had another man's hands on me, so when lips slide over my cock mercilessly – one blurry look down tells me it's Ianto –, I cry out breathlessly, and my hips want to jerk up, trying to get closer to the warm suction, but unrelenting hands hold me down so that I don't choke Ianto. In the meantime, Jack has slid lower, carefully kneading my balls, and then taking one of the globes into his mouth.

My fingers grip the sheets so tightly that I'm sure they will tear, and I'm breathing so hard as if I've run a marathon.

I can feel my orgasm building, the familiar tantalising tingling at the base of my spine, and the feeling of climbing a cliff. I'm almost at the top, I only have to let myself fall. They will both catch me, I know they will.

Jack lets go of me, giving Ianto more room to go down on me in earnest.

Deepthroating it's called (the internet is an amazing source of knowledge I've discovered), and I've never felt anything like it. When Ianto swallows around me, and the head of my cock bumps against the soft back of his throat, I cry out. I'm aware that I've started mumbling gibberish over and over, and afterwards, I only remember the words “please” and “Ianto”. And suddenly, it's only white noise around me, my world has reduced to the hot mouth around me, and with a last garbled cry, I plunge into the abyss.

Someone holds my jerking hips still while I pour myself into Ianto's mouth. He swallows all I have to offer which makes my body somehow somewhere find a few additional jets of come to spurt into his mouth. I've never come so hard in my life.

Shivering and panting, I sink bonelessly back into the mattress, the wet coolness that engulfs my spend cock when it slips from Ianto's mouth into the air again is a shock.

“Please, oh please,” I babble weakly, and I shiver when I feel a warm mouth on my ear. 

“What is it?” Jack croons, his warm breath tickling my skin. “Tell us. Tell us what you need.”

“You,” I whisper. “Need you to fuck me.”

“Which of us?” Jack asks, his seductive voice pouring over my whole body like honey, making my cock twitch in renewed interest. 

“Who's it gonna be?” Ianto croons in my other ear. His dark voice, so different from Jack's tenor, sends shivers of need through my body. “Do you want Jack to take you? You'll like it. He's an amazing lover, and an even more amazing teacher.” I shiver at Ianto's words. “You've seen his cock. Imagine what it's like having that slide right inside you. The heat and the stretch. Almost too much, but you need more nonetheless, need all of him. The first time, he knocked the breath right out of me, it was so incredible.”

“Or do you want Ianto?” Jack takes over from the younger man. “Don't let him sell himself short. You can't imagine it, his cock sliding right into you without mercy. He's so hot and thick, gives me a right run for my money. And he's so good at edging, can be a right bastard, and let you hang there panting...”

I'm panting now, all right, and I have to pull myself together not to pounce on one of them mindlessly.

“So, Jack Harkness,” Jack croons. “Who's it gonna be. Who shall give you that first amazing fuck of your life? Your Captain?” At that, he gives my once again rock-hard cock a tight squeeze, “Or your archivist?” Now, Ianto's hand creeps down between my legs as well to fondle my balls.

“Both,” I mewl which earns me a chuckle from Ianto, and a heartfelt laugh from Jack. “Careful, don't get ahead of yourself,” Jack chuckles. “Maybe one day, we'll come to that, but for now...” He takes my ear lobe between his teeth, and nibbles it for a moment. 

“For now, you have to chose,” Ianto completes the sentence, and lets go of my balls to gently start rubbing my hip.

“Jack,” I cry out eventually while their wicked hands haven't stopped caressing me. “I want Jack.”

Jack chuckles again, a giddy note full of promise in his voice. “Your wish is my command, Captain.”

And with that, he sits up determinedly, the loss of his warmth on my left side immediately leaving me feeling bereft. Jack throws Ianto a look. “Take him,” he instructs, and I'm not sure I know what he means, but Ianto seems to for the young man suddenly sits up as well, and reclines against the headboard while Jack rummages around in the drawer of the night stand. Ianto manhandles my unresisting body into his arms so that I come to lie between his legs, my back pressed against his chest and his heavy erection, his arms securely around me. With a reassuring, but nonetheless seductive smile and a tube of lube in his hand, Jack crawls between my legs which I spread instinctively for him, baring myself for his hungry gaze, and submitting completely to him.

He grabs for a condom packet lying on the night stand, but my hand strikes out to close around his wrist in a sudden decision. Surprised, he meets my gaze. ”Please don't,” I beg him, and he frowns. I feel myself blushing heavily, but I steel myself to carry on. “I... I need to feel you,” I mumble in embarrassed explanation although I shouldn't be any more, not after what we've done already this evening. “I want to know that I belong to someone. I need you to leave your mark on me.”

Jack shudders at my words, and his breathing speeds up. As does Ianto's, his heart pounding like a fluttering bird in a cage against my left shoulder blade.

For a few seconds, Jack holds my determined gaze, then he nods, and puts the condom aside. Instead, he unscrews the tube of lube, and squeezes a heavy amount on his fingers. He meets my gaze again questioningly, but I nod firmly.

When one finger breaches me, I draw in a sharp breath. But not from any pain. By now, I'm used to penetrate myself with one finger, even two, not being able to resist this guilty pleasure during the long nights in Ianto's guest room while lying awake, thinking of them. No, it's the knowledge that someone other than me does this. That it's  _Jack_ doing this to me.

I can't suppress a slight wince when he eventually stretches me with three fingers, but Ianto has seemed to notice for he gently bends my head back to reach my lips with his to distract me while his fingers start toying with my nipples, sending shivers down my spine.

I gasp into his mouth when suddenly, Jack pulls his fingers out. The sudden feeling of emptiness is almost unbearable even if I'm glad for the absence of the slight discomfort I'd felt. I draw back from Ianto to look at Jack. He's watching us intensely, his gaze burning with hunger. I let my gaze slide down his sweat-glistening body. His sculpted chest rises and falls with the deep breaths he takes, and... I have to swallow heavily, my throat suddenly parched. While watching us kiss, his hand had crept down to slowly start stroking himself. It's a magnificent sight...

“Look at him,” Ianto whispers in my ear. “Isn't he beautiful. Don't you want him to take you now?” 

I nod mutely, my throat too dry at the moment to speak. While Ianto nuzzles my cheek affectionately, Jack smiles at me, and picks up the tube of lube again to coat his cock liberally.

I have to swallow once more.

I'm nervous, scared even, I have to admit, and I would never let another man than Jack do  _that_ to me. I understand that a lot of things have changed nowadays, but this is something I'm simply not comfortable with at the moment despite my earlier plea for them to take me both. Maybe given time. I'd really love to one day share this with Ianto as well, closing the circle by giving my body to him, too.

Still smiling reassuringly at me, Jack grabs my legs under the knees, and draws them around his waist. Gratefully, I grip him tightly, clinging to him like a drowning man. Involuntarily, I jump when the slippery head of his cock bumps against my entrance, and I clench my muscles instinctively. But he seems to have anticipated my reaction because immediately, he closes his fingers loosely around my cock, and begins stroking to distract me for a few moments. It works, but when he suddenly pushes forward, I feel the burning stretch and the pressure of being filled like a pinch on an otherwise fallen asleep limb; intense and painful through all the prickling sensations. I gasp, then hold my breath.

“Breathe,” Ianto instructs with a whisper in my ear. 

It gets easier when I comply, and I breathe through the pain that isn't really pain but a mixture of discomfort, pain, and a strange pleasure.

Jack gives me ample time to adjust, all the while holding himself poised above me completely still while Ianto's hands glide all over my body. Eventually, I give a firm nod which Jack answers with an encouraging smile. Then he draws back only to plunge into my body again in the next second. I gasp, his thrust knocking the breath out of me, and my hands cling to Ianto's arms around me desperately while my legs hold Jack tight in a vice-like grip.

“Okay?” he enquires, and I nod jerkily. 

“Go on,” I instruct him, my voice breathy and shuddering. He nods once more, then he bends down to breathe a light kiss onto my left knee, making me swallow at the loving gesture. Then, he slowly starts to move inside of me. 

It's still a strange feeling, and although I'm gasping in pleasure, I can't seem to get into the feeling of it. Something's still missing...

Surprised, I cry out suddenly when Jack snaps his hips forward, and changes the angle. Fireworks go off inside my whole body, setting my spasming nerve endings on fire.

“Started to get worried there,” Jack grins, and Ianto answers with a chuckle. I can't do anything but lie in their arms like a rag-doll, trembling and out of breath, completely boneless, and at the same time feeling elated. And that after only one thrust against my prostate (at least I think that's what it was according to the countless websites I've been on since I got together with them).

From then on, Jack sets a punishing rhythm, mercilessly battering my prostate with every other thrust, leaving me a trashing, panting mess in their arms, completely out of my head with lust.

Suddenly, he gives one hard thrust, and then he stills, his body frozen while his orgasm races through him. I watch him with bated breath, his hips jerking slightly, and his brow drawn into a frown almost as if in pain. And the feeling of his hot come spilling inside of me is the most incredible, dirty feeling I've ever experienced. The feeling of being marked by him is almost enough to send me over the edge as well, I can feel it. Only a little more...

Then, out of the blue, Ianto brutally squeezes the base of my erection, staving of my orgasm cruelly. “No!” I wail in desperation, and the younger man immediately soothes me with whispered words of affection and biting kisses down my neck.

“Don't worry,” Jack pants against my lips as he bends down to kiss me, still locked tightly inside me half hard. “We have other plans for you.”

With a feverish gaze, I look up at him questioningly, but he doesn't answer me because he gives one last, teasing thrust, a second, weaker orgasm crashing over him while my spasming channel still graps him in a vice, flooding me with more of his warm essence. He is so beautiful in his abandon, and his soft moans are music to my ears. I catch him as he collapses into my arms, finally spend, and hold his shivering form against me for a moment, my own discomfort pushed ruthlessly aside.

Before his dead weight becomes too heavy, he rolls down from me, and comes to lie next to me, his hands immediately starting to caress my body in sluggish movements. This drives home once more the fact that I'm still painfully hard, and I wonder what their plans are for me.

It starts to dawn on me when Ianto suddenly manoeuvres out from his position behind me. I lie back in the pillows when I can't recline against him any more, Jack plastered to my side. I hold my breath when Ianto suddenly straddles me, and I look up at him with eyes wide with wonder.

“Do you want to prepare him?” Jack croons into my ear, nibbling briefly at the lobe. “Or do you want to watch him doing it himself?”

I have to swallow hard. “I,” I stammer, and I stop because I have no idea what to say.

Ianto smiles down at me smugly, and accepts the tube of lube from Jack. He winks. “Just watch me, okay.”

And with that, he squeezes a big dollop of lube onto his fingers, and reaches behind himself. I can't see what his fingers are doing anyway, so I concentrate on his face instead. He closes his eyes, and I know the moment his slippery fingers breach himself if the soft moan he makes is anything to go by. I try to swallow, but my throat is bone dry.

“Just a little more,” Jack rasps in my ear, and he reaches down to close his slippery hand around my cock. I gasp in distress, I feel like bursting, so he squeezes firmly to stave off my orgasm. 

Suddenly, Ianto shuffles forward on his knees until he is positioned directly over my crotch. He brings his hand down to close it around Jack's, and together, they guide my erection into Ianto's body. I don't know which of us moans the loudest when Ianto sinks down on me, but it's the only noises echoing through the room for a while.

It's so incredible, the feeling of Ianto's hot, slick passage gripping my cock in a vice, the muscles rippling around me. It's fundamentally different from being on the receiving end, but I can't say which sensation is better. I give a tentative thrust up, and Ianto's breath hitches while my hands automatically fly to his hips to steady him. His eyes find mine, and he smiles at me. “Take my hands,” he encourages me gently, and without waiting for my answer, takes my hands from his hips to entwine them with his, and he leans forwards so that our naked, sweat-slicked chests touch, bringing our clasped hands up beside my head. In this position, deep thrusts aren't possible, but the gentle rocking and grinding of our hips suffices for our first time. I feel far more connected to him as if this had been a hard, fast fuck.

I shudder heavily, and Ianto moans throatily when suddenly, I thrust upwards, and Ianto grinds down on me at the same moment, my cock probably hitting his prostate forcefully in the move. I'm so deep inside of him now, I don't want to ever come out. I wish this could go on forever. The sensations are increased tenfold by the knowledge of Jack's heated gaze fixed intently on us both. My gaze briefly flicks towards him, and my breath catches anew at the sight of him, lying beside us propped up on one elbow while his free hand lazily strokes his once more rock-hard erection.

Ianto distracts me from the sight when suddenly, he bridges the distance between our faces, and kisses me heatedly. My thrusts almost falter at the force and filthiness of the kiss, our tongues battling for dominance between our open mouths.

I brace my heels into the mattress for leverage, and thrust up once more, Ianto gasping into my mouth when I nail his prostate again and again.

I've lost count of the times I've buried myself forcefully inside of him while we still kiss like men possessed, I can only feel, but suddenly, Ianto freezes above me, and I swallow his keening cry as he comes, splattering our stomachs with hot come. In turn, I gasp into his mouth as his rippling muscles milk my cock, ripping my own orgasm from me. Relieved, I moan when I spill myself inside of him, and I can hear Jack moaning beside us.

Slumping back onto the mattress, and catching Ianto's weak form into my arms, we lie there bonelessly for a long time. I crack one eye open when suddenly, Ianto's weight is lifted from me. Jack has rolled the younger man onto the mattress, and starts cleaning him up with a wet washcloth (I haven't even noticed him leaving the bed), and then, he sets out to work on me. Involuntarily, I moan when the warm, wet cloth caresses my skin, my eyes falling shut again in bliss, and I arch into Jack's touch. After Jack has cleaned me up as well, a wet sploshing sound to my left indicates that Jack has thrown the washcloth to the floor unceremoniously which earns him a protesting, affronted noise from Ianto that makes us both chuckle.

The mattress dips when Jack settles down on my free side, and I put both arms around the two men in bed with me.

 

To give Ianto more time for the archives, I start to manage the tourist office more and more. Sometimes, it's a welcome change from the stress, and excitement, and, yes, often the horror of working for Torchwood. Most of the time it's pretty quiet up here, only a handful if tourists ever find their way in here. So, when one day a young woman comes into the office, I don't think anything of it.

“May I help you?” I ask her with a smile which she returns a little unsure. She frowns. “I'm looking for my brother. Ianto Jones. He works here, doesn't he?”

My blood runs cold. Ianto never told us about any family he had, so, I'm more than a little surprised.

“I'll try to phone him for you, all right,” I tell her. “He's out on an errand at the moment.” But before I can reach for the phone, the door opens, and Ianto comes in. He stops abruptly at seeing his sister although he had to have known she was here. After all, the last time I've seen him this morning was down in the conference room. He must have come via the invisible lift. He even thought of putting on his coat to make the illusion complete. 

“Rhian,” he exclaims in faked surprise. “What are you doing here?”

She bits her lip for a moment, obviously unsure of what to say, and her gaze flicks pointedly between me and her brother.

“I'm in the back,” I hastily excuse myself, and disappear through the bead curtain, but I'm still able to hear every fierce word Ianto's sister whispers. I probably shouldn't eavesdrop, but I'm curious about this part of Ianto's life. Overall, I don't know that much about him – or Jack for that matter. Much less than I would like.

“You never call,” she hisses to which Ianto makes a non-committal noise. “We not good enough for you any more? I've seen your car and your suits. You been promoted or what?”

“No,” Ianto replies uneasily. “The job is... stressful. Just pays well is all.”

“Hmpfh. All right. Don't wanna sound as if I begrudge you a good life, just asking. But there's something else.”

Ianto groans, and despite his discomfort, I have to suppress a chuckle.

“You've been seen,” his sister states seriously. 

“What? I don't understand...”

“Susan from down the street was in town with her husband. Went to this posh French place for her anniversary. It's just 'round the corner from here, isn't it.”

Ianto grumbles a meek “yes”.

“And what does she see: You having dinner with two men.”

My blood runs cold, and I can only imagine how dreadful Ianto must be feeling now.

“And?” he asks shakily in defence.

“And!?” his sister cries incredulously. “You. Having _dinner_. With _two_ men. Susan said they looked bloody gorgeous. Like film stars... Or escorts.”

“We work together,” Ianto clarifies heatedly. “One of them is my boss.”

Rhian scoffs. “You looked awfully intimate together.  _All three_ of you. No woman would have got her feet under that table Susan said. Not a chance.”

Poor Ianto. I can practically see him squirm under his sister's inquisitive glare. He makes a wincing noise, and Rhian gasps.

“Really!?” she exclaims, but she doesn't sound mad. Shocked, yes, but not mad. Or disgusted. I rather think that's even a giggle that I can make out in her voice... Women...

“Really!?” she stammers again. “With... with _two_ men!?” 

Ianto makes an affirmative noise.

“Is the one back there one of them?”

“Yes.” 

“How? I mean. How did that happen? And when?”

“Not long. Have been together with Jack before, and then Jack came to work with us, and it just... happened.” 

“Whoa, whoa, hold on. They're _both_ called Jack!?”

“Bugger,” Ianto sighs softly. “Yes, they are.”

“That a kink of you? Those names.”

“Rhian!” Ianto hisses. “'S just a coincidence.”

“Hm okay. And since when do you...”

“I don't,” Ianto assures her hastily. “I mean, I'm not... It's... it's not men in general. It's just him... them. It's _only_ them.”

I have to swallow at hearing that. Of course I've known what Ianto feels for Jack. But that he would throw me into the mix as well, that he  _loves_ me as well...

I'm jerked out of my pleasant shock when Rhian speaks up again. “I don't know what to say, Ianto.”

“Then don't say anything.” He sounds a little defensive. 

“Don't be like that. I'm not mad or anything. I'm just surprised.”

Ianto makes another non-committal noise.

“And... you're happy, right? I mean... they're good to you, aren't they.”

“Yes,” Ianto assures her. “It's... it goes well. We're happy.”

“Okay, good.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Maybe you'd like to come over some time? Maybe bring those two men of yours?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

An awkward silence drones from the front of the office.

“Hm, okay. Then I'd better go. Let you work, and all that.” 

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay. Then... bye.”

“Bye, Rhian.”

I hear her open the outer door. “Goodbye, Jack,” she calls back.

Damn.

 

The last few months have flown by in a rush of excitement, danger, and passionate love making. I've seen things I'd never have imagined, not in my wildest dreams. I suppose nobody can imagine what I've seen if they can't see it with their own eyes. More than once it's been pretty close for one or all of us, like the time Owen almost got shot at this Pharm when we had lovely, mysterious Martha Jones as our visitor, or the incident with the alien mercenaries where I – to my horror – saw Jack die and resurrect for the first time. But I have to admit that the rush of these near death experiences has addicted me. I've always been an adrenalin junkie as they say today, every pilot is, otherwise you wouldn't step foot into a tiny metal box that's supposed to fly, so this, my work with Torchwood is a high I'll probably never tire of. It's almost better than the sex.

Almost.

I've always thought myself a pretty decent lover with ample experience.

In bed with Jack and Ianto, I realised that I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. Jack is a force of nature that is sometimes scary, though humbling most of the time, and Ianto, honed by Jack's teaching, is a surprisingly wicked and self-assertive lover despite his seemingly shy and gentle nature. They did things to me and with me that make me blush only thinking about them, but nothing compares to the fundamental, earth-shattering feeling of losing myself buried deep inside Ianto's body, or one of them being buried in mine. The only thing Jack hasn't let me do is take him in turn. He didn't explain, and both of them wouldn't meet my eye, but there's old hurt there, and the one time I tried to take him, he flinched away from me, making cold dread go through me at what this might imply. Only Ianto is allowed to take Jack, and I accept that. Maybe one day he will overcome the horrors that happened to him, and he will trust me enough to give me this gift together with an explanation.

But it's not even the sex with them that's the most fulfilling. It's the small things like having dinner together, or watching TV together, snuggled up to each other on the couch in Ianto's living room. Even the bizarre event of Gwen's wedding was something to be treasured. Not the business with the Nostrovite, mind you, but the aftermath. The party, where I danced with Ianto after he'd fulfilled his duties as impromptu disc jockey. It felt so right holding him in my arms. Eventually, we looked at each other, then at Jack dancing with Gwen, and nodded at each other in mutual agreement before going over, and prying him away from her. Ianto then wanted to retreat, giving Jack and me this dance, but now it was the Captain and me looking at each other in mutual agreement for we pulled Ianto against us in a tight circle.

“We can't all dance together,” he'd protested feebly. He's so sweet sometimes. Even I didn't give a damn about decorum in that moment – Hell, I've danced openly with another man before a whole ballroom of my soldiers in 1941, so I couldn't care less now about the opinion of some people from the twenty-first century I'd never meet again. Granted, it was a little awkward, but after figuring out the logistics, it worked surprisingly well. And it felt so right. 

I can even claim being a matchmaker to top it all for when this obnoxious ex-lover of Jack's one day appeared with Jack's long lost brother in tow, the horrible day's events didn't end as gravely as they could have. We almost lost Toshiko, and Owen barely managed to escape the lockdown of the nuclear power station. In the last second, I managed to deflect the bullet's trajectory, thus only nicking Toshiko's hip instead of any vital organs. While applying first aid, I made her promise to tell Owen once and for all how she felt. Turned out this wasn't really necessary because when the young doctor stormed back into the Hub, the shell-shocked look in his eyes at seeing her shot did tell all of us more than even he himself realised.

He asked her out on a date afterwards.

 

**Epilogue**

Desperately gasping for breath, Jack started from sleep in horror. Instinctively, his frantic gaze sought out his sleeping lovers next to him. Relief washed over him as he could make out their entwined forms in the relative darkness. With a shaking hand, he wiped the sweat from his brow, and drew his knees tightly against his chest, laying his forehead on his knees in desperate search of equilibrium.

For long minutes, he just cowered in bed, his pounding heart slowing gradually again, and his lovers' even breathing calming him.

It had been so real, those horrible images. Too real. This hadn't seemed like a dream. More like... like a premonition. He still could almost feel Ianto's cold skin under his fingers, and still saw Jack's lifeless eyes staring into nothingness... holding their still bodies in his arms.

Could it be?

He had slight telepathic abilities, but he'd never been susceptible to such things as visions or dreams foretelling the future. So, where had these horrible images come from!

He needed answers, desperately, but he didn't want to wake his lovers. They would only notice that something wasn't right, and needle him until he spilled his guts.

Still shaking, and covered in cold sweat, Jack lay back down, carefully inching closer to Ianto, and pressing himself against his back. The younger man stirred in his sleep, but didn't wake up. Instead, he pushed back against Jack instinctively. The immortal gladly accepted his lover's warmth.

He lay there for hours, worrying himself sick, unable to fall back asleep.

 

The next day, he sat alone in his office, hung over and brooding. The memories of his dream from last night wouldn't leave him alone. He didn't want to talk about it with Jack and Ianto, it would only worry them, or they would assure him it was just a bad dream. But he wasn't so sure of that. Not sure at all.

In a sudden rush, he jumped up, grabbed his coat, and flew from his office. At his team's surprised looks, he answered them in a swift, “Have to deal with something,” and he was gone.

He shouldn't take the car. His driving was reckless at the best of times; now it was suicidal. Ianto would have scolded him if he were with him right now.

With squeaking tires, he brought the SUV to a stop before the bar he would find Her in. He jumped from the car, and simply barged into the bar, ignoring the security men blocking his way to Her. She waved Her hand, and the men let him through. Shaking with barely suppressed emotion, he sat down opposite Her.

“Is it true?” he asked breathlessly, scrutinizing Her urgently. He didn't elaborate what he meant since She must know what he was talking about. She always did.

And indeed, She calmly laid Her cards out before Her, and studied them intently. “The cards aren't clear,” She finally said with a slight frown. “But there is Death in your immediate future.”

He knew it. Defeated, Jack's shoulders sagged, and he stared unseeingly at the card of Death in Her hand.

“Thanks,” he whispered, “that's all I had to know.”

Dejectedly, he got up, and left the bar, all the while sensing Her piercing stare in his back.

 

When he returned to Cardiff Bay, he didn't go into the Hub, but went straight away up onto the roof of the Millennium Centre. He had to think, long and hard, but in the end, he already knew even now what he had to do.

He'd never wanted to let it proceed that far with either Ianto or Jack. He'd told himself that it would only end in heartbreak for him if he got emotionally involved, but then Ianto had simply swept him off his feet with his caring, fierce nature. He would never forget what the young man had done for him on the Valiant.

And Jack... Sure, he'd fallen for him in 1941, but that wasn't that unusual for him. He loved easily if he allowed himself to do so. And he'd never thought that he would see the Captain again anyway, let alone start to work with him on a day to day basis. Hero worship, that's what he thought this was between them, what Jack felt for him, and he'd never imagined that there could grow more from that. But then he'd got to know Jack Harkness better, and here he was; in love with two men that were condemned to die because of their acquaintance with Jack, because they worked for Torchwood.

During the Year That Never Was, the Master had asked Ianto what he would be prepared to do for love. Now, Jack knew what  _he_ had to do for love. In order to safe them, he had to let them go. 

It broke his heart, and he so desperately wanted to be selfish, and keep them with him, but it would cost one or both of them their lives eventually, maybe sooner than everybody dared imagine if his dream became reality. He had to do the only honourable thing for once, and let them go, make them forget Torchwood, and wipe every shred of memory they had of the man calling himself Captain Jack Harkness... Give them the life they deserved, a life in peace and happiness, far away from all the horrors this job and the universe held.

He didn't know why he'd had this premonition. He had never been perceptible to such things. But he liked to believe that it was fate's way of showing him mercy for once, albeit a twisted one. So many times he hadn't been able to safe his loved ones. Maybe this time he could.

And he would.

He wasn't important. He would experience many more heartbreaks over the course of his long life. He would heal this time as well. But it would be with the good conscience that he had saved them, even if he never could be with them again.

 

He tried avoiding everybody over the course of the day, especially his lovers, while he started preparing things with grim determination to set his plan into motion. But when they returned home for the night, his controlled mask slipped slightly, and he drew his lovers into his arms with almost desperate force.

“What's the matter?” Ianto asked in concern, but Jack just smiled at him. 

“Nothing. Bad dream last night. Please...” He latched onto Ianto's collarbone to distract him. “Need you both,” he breathed. “Need you to fuck me hard, Ianto.” 

Ianto made a confirming noise that was part hum, part moan because Jack had started to suck on his neck. He knew something was up, and that it had to do with this supposedly bad dream last night. But he wouldn't press Jack for answers. That had never worked well, and wouldn't now either. Not when the Captain clearly was so high-strung. He looked at Jack over his boss' shoulder, and received a firm nod. So, the other man had noticed it as well. They came to a silent agreement to take care of Jack tonight, and distract him from whichever worries he had. It was the only thing they could do.

They led Jack into the bedroom, and once there, stripped first him, then themselves with swift movements. They pushed him down onto the bed, and settled on either side of him where they immediately set about reducing the Captain to a whimpering, quivering mass.

Jack was manhandled by his lovers onto his hands and knees while Jack slid under him onto his back, and Ianto came to kneel behind him. It would be the most sensible position for the three of them to fuck, but this wasn't what Jack needed at the moment.

“No,” he moaned. “I need to see you both.” He almost felt the worried look his lovers threw each other over his shoulder, but he couldn't care at the moment. He needed to see them, needed to take the memory of this night and all the others before with him. They had to sustain his bleeding heart for a long time after all.

He allowed them to position him onto his back, and then Jack straddled him while Ianto knelt between his spread thighs. He moaned when Ianto started to prepare him swiftly, and drank in the sight of the Captain preparing himself above him. The breath was knocked out of him forcefully when Jack lowered himself down onto his cock, and Ianto forced him open with one firm thrust at the same time. His whole body trembled with raw need, and he was on the verge of falling apart when Ianto delivered his first, almost brutal thrust. The force of it hauled Jack's own hips up, driving him balls-deep up into the Captain.

Jack didn't really have much to do, Ianto's thrusts were strong enough to fuck both Jack's into oblivion. He felt like a rag-doll sandwiched between them, but it was the most amazing feeling. He'd never felt so close to his lovers than in that moment, surrounded by their bodies, their intoxicating smell, their ecstatic cries and moans, their warmth, but above all, their love.

Jack felt the tingling of his oncoming orgasm start in his toes, rushing up through every vein in his body until all this blazing ecstasy slammed into his cock full force. With a strangled cry, he spilled into Jack. Ianto wasn't far behind, the rippling contractions of Jack's anal passage sending him into coming as well. But before the Captain could come as well, Jack's hand struck out. The Captain cried out in shock when Jack's hand suddenly closed tightly around his cock, mercilessly staving off his orgasm. He looked down on his lover, and met his driven but determined gaze. “I need you to be inside of me,” Jack rasped breathlessly.

The Captain's breath hitched, and Ianto made a strangled noise behind him.

Exhausted and spent, the young man let his cock slip from Jack's quivering hole, and lay down beside them. His body still trembling from having come, he looked at Jack long and hard. This request, more than anything else, drove home to Ianto that something fundamentally wasn't right here. Since coming together with the Captain, Jack not once had allowed the other man to take him. He simply couldn't bear to be that vulnerable to someone other than Ianto since the Valiant, it probably would have taken him months if not years to get over being raped by the Master. Therefore highly alarmed, and determined to find out what was going on in Jack, he watched the Captain shuffle unsteadily from Jack's lap and between his thighs. Immediately, Jack wrapped his legs around the Captain's waist to draw him nearer, urging him into his body.

A keening cry was ripped from his throat when Jack sank into his sore, slick hole, and for a moment, he wanted to flinch away, but he forced his eyes to stay open, to steadily look at Jack, seeing who it was that was taking him. He jerked nonetheless when Jack started to thrust into him, his over-sensitive nerves screaming bloody murder at him. But he needed this. It was his last chance to be with them both, and his last chance to ever complete the circle between them.

It didn't take long for the Captain to come as aroused as he was, spilling into his lover's already overflowing, spasming channel. All three of them moaned softly, and instead of trying to touch his sensitive cock, Ianto simply caressed Jack's body while bending over him to playfully lap up the few drops of come Jack's second orgasm had made him splatter onto his stomach.

Bonelessly, Jack sank back, wrapping one weak arm around Ianto to draw him against his body, and holding out his hand to his other lover.

With a squelching sound, the Captain slipped his spend member out of Jack's body, and crawled into Jack's arms as well.

Jack was exhausted, and so desperate for his lovers' closeness that he didn't even waste one thought on getting cleaned up. He breathed in deeply, the smell of male musk and sex heavy in the air, and he even didn't care about the steady trickle of his lovers' combined essence oozing from his hole. Under normal circumstances, the sticky feeling was a little uncomfortable, but now, he needed even this filthy claim his lovers had left on him, needed it for as long as possible.

Tightening his arms even more around Ianto and Jack, the immortal fell into a deep, thankfully dreamless sleep.

 

Waking up the next morning was sheer bliss for Jack for a few moments, tightly wrapped in his lovers' arms as he was.

But then the tranquil moment was over, and he remembered what he had to do. He had to do it today lest he faltered. And that would only end in their death.

For another long, precious minutes, he basked in their proximity, but then he extracted himself carefully from them, and climbed from the bed. Calmly, he showered, and then set about to make breakfast, meticulously preparing the food, especially the tea.

He knew that his lovers would never leave him willingly, so he had to make this decision for them.

He startled when Ianto suddenly appeared in the door, the sight of him rubbing the sleep from his eyes making Jack's heart ache.

“You're up early again,” he mumbled, and Jack laughed a much too cheerful laugh.

“Yeah, couldn't sleep any more. You've worn me out yesterday, so I've slept like a stone.”

Ianto made a non-committal noise at that, and Jack was relieved that his lover wasn't awake enough to ask about Jack's strange behaviour yesterday.

“Morning!”

Ianto groaned when the other Jack strolled into the kitchen, freshly showered and groomed as well. “Military guys,” Ianto grumbled still sleepily, and waved away Jack's cheerful attempt of a good morning kiss.

Shrugging, the Captain contented himself with his boss instead who responded to the kiss all too gladly. Almost too desperate, but Jack held himself in check the last minute, and tried to gloss over his strange, intense behaviour by shoving his lovers down into their chairs, and serving them an opulent breakfast.

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, Ianto grumbling occasionally about the tea, but too sleepy to make coffee instead.

“The others have the morning shift, right?” the Captain eventually asked between bites.

“Yeah,” Jack replied, still trying to act normal. “Morning and noon. We're due in the afternoon.”

The Captain beamed at him. “Great. That leaves us enough time for other things.”

Now, Jack had to suppress a real chuckle at his lover's eagerness.

“Did I miss something,” Ianto asked suspiciously, and downed his tea in one go, looking much more awake now. “Did you swap bodies overnight or what?”

“What?!” the Captain exclaimed in mock affront. “Am I not allowed to want to spend time with my two dashing men!”

“The way you want to spend this time seems a little suspicious and out of character, is all,” Ianto replied drily.

The Captain harrumphed. “Jack's rubbing off on me it seems.”

Ianto groaned, and only waited for a lewd comment from the third party at the table. Which didn't come.

Worried, Ianto looked up, and Jack wasn't fast enough to hide his sadness behind his cheerful mask again.

Ianto just wanted to finally call him on it, when he stopped suddenly, gripping the empty cup in his hands more tightly.

“Jack?” Ianto blinked heavily under Jack's watchful gaze as an inevitable, all too familiar tiredness started to gradually overcome him.

“I feel strange,” the Captain mumbled suddenly as well, and grabbed his head. “What's happening?” 

Ianto's head snapped up in alarm, and he stared at Jack, horrified and accusing. “You've given us Retcon!”

Jack averted his gaze in shame; he couldn't bear the betrayal and hurt in Ianto's eyes glaring back at him.

The younger man rose from his chair on unsteady legs, the cup in his hand forgotten in the commotion so that it was knocked over, and, rolling over the tabletop, tumbled from the edge, shattering on the floor with a loud crash. Stumbling over to Jack, he grabbed his shoulders, and pulled him from his chair to a standing, clawing his weakening fingers so deep into Jack's flesh through his shirt that he had to wince involuntarily. “Why?!” Ianto cried, and shook Jack frantically.

“I had to,” he choked out. 

“Tell me why, you fucking bastard!”

“Please,” Jack sobbed because he couldn't hold himself back any more. “Please don't ask me why.”

“We have the right to know!” Ianto argued fiercely.

“I did it to protect you!” Jack finally blurted out.

Deafening silence hung over them for a few seconds, and Ianto's grip on him had become lax for a moment in shock. But then it became stronger once more simply for the fact that Ianto started to become weak on his feet as the Retcon started to take effect.

“I had this, well, the details don't matter any more, but I've seen you die,” he explained heatedly, his whole body trembling with emotion. “This is the only way to save you.”

“You could be wrong,” were the first words the Captain contributed to the conversation since Ianto had accused Jack of giving them Retcon.

Jack's gaze flitted over to his namesake who'd risen from his chair as well, but now had to brace himself on the kitchen table. He shook his head desperately. “I can't risk it.”

“You will forget us,” Ianto accused him further. “If you cast us away now, you'll soon have forgotten us.”

Jack shook his head vehemently. “No! Never!”

“You will,” Ianto insisted, his speech becoming more slurred with every second. “In a thousand years time, you will have forgotten us.”

Jack cupped Ianto's face between both hands. “You're in my heart. Both of you.” Desperately, wistfully, he stroked Ianto's cheek with his thumb. “You've given me so much, Ianto,” he whispered brokenly. “The only thing I can give you in return is the chance to live.”

“I want a life by your side!”

“It would be a short life.” 

“I don't care!” Ianto cried, fighting the effect of the pill with all his might. “I knew that working for Torchwood means leading a short life. Give me the chance to spend it with you!”

Regretfully, Jack shook his head. “No. I'd never forgive myself.” He looked at Jack again who'd followed the further argument silently, his face grave and chalk-white. “Both of you have a chance at a long and fulfilling live. Together.”

“But without you,” Jack spoke. He, too, now visibly fought the effects of the Retcon viciously. 

“I love you,” Jack blurted out suddenly without responding to the Captain's objection. “Both of you. So much. And that's why I can't risk your lives.” 

Ianto laughed bitterly. “Now you tell me that! I've waited...”

“I know,” Jack interrupted him beseechingly. “And I'm sorry for not saying it sooner. But I do mean it, believe me... We don' t have much time left. Please, Ianto.”

For a long moment, Ianto stared at him with a hardened expression, but in the end, he nodded since it was too late now anyway. The Retcon would make them forget no matter what. Crying bitterly, he buried in Jack's embrace. Jack reached out invitingly, and drew his other lover into his arms, too. And then, they just stood there in Ianto's kitchen, all three of them crying silent tears. Jack breathed in their combined scents, and tried to commit it to memory. He also tried to memorise the warmth of their bodies against his. He tried to memorise all of it for in a few minutes, all of this would slip through his fingers and would be lost forever, only a brightly shining memory for him. He felt them succumbing to the drug rapidly now, their weakening fingers clawing deeper into the fabric of his shirt for support.

He drew back, and first kissed Jack, then Ianto deeply. He never wanted to break this kiss, but suddenly, Ianto broke it himself when he slumped into Jack's arms. His other lover was on the verge of collapsing as well, so he gently brought them to the floor, mindful of the shards littering the floor.

He shouldn't have given them the Retcon now, he rather should have injected them with it during sleep, but he had succumbed to the desperate wish to have this one last domestic moment with them during breakfast.

He felt wetness seeping through his left trouser leg where Ianto's head lay on his thigh, clutching to Jack's leg like a lifeline. “I love you,” Ianto whimpered against his leg, and he was so weak that he couldn't raise his head any more to look at Jack.

Jack bend down to him, and pressed a kiss against his temple. “I love you, too,” he whispered, letting himself being torn apart by Ianto's heart-wrenching sobs. He looked to his right side where the Captain lay, his head on Jack's other thigh, holding on to him tightly also, but one hand gripping Ianto's as well.

“You'll take good care of each other,” Jack whispered. “And you'll have a long, happy life.”

“What about you?” Ianto's voice had become so weak that Jack had to bend down close to him to understand him. 

He smiled wistfully. “I'll get by. I always do.”

“No... Y' need someone,” Ianto slurred. “Y' need me...”

Jack sighed, and closed his eyes, but even now the tears wouldn't come yet. He had to be strong for them a little more. “I know,” he whispered.

When he didn't get a reply, and their grips on his thighs suddenly became lax, he looked down on his lovers. They had fallen asleep.

Jack let out a choked sob, and then carefully laid them on the floor. He stepped over their prone bodies to get on with things, but suddenly, his legs gave away beneath him. He sank back down onto the floor, trembling like a leaf. If he'd killed his lovers with his bare hands, he couldn't feel guiltier or more desperate.

He knew he had to act fast, there was still so much to do, but for a few minutes during which he felt like he was stuck in a vacuum – completely enveloped in silence and completely alone –, he just sat there on the cold floor of the kitchen, his knees drawn up tight against his chest like in that fateful night after his premonition, and watched his lovers. But unlike those night only a day ago, now their slumbering presence did nothing to soothe him; it broke his heart instead. They only lay a few centimetres away from him, but for Jack it seemed as if they were miles and lifetimes apart.

He let the tears fall in earnest now, finally not strong enough to hold most if them back any more.

In the last moments he let himself have with his lovers, he wept bitterly.

 

His body felt numb and cold sitting on the kitchen tiles like that. But eventually, he resisted the overpowering urge to curl up beside them and fall asleep, instead he rose on unsteady legs. There was so much to do, and he had to act fast before the Retcon's effect wore off. It had only been a weak dose, just to let them fall asleep, and to help prepare the actual means to make them forgot their current life for good. He'd never told anybody, not even Ianto knew, but Jack had hidden a device deep in his private vaults that, in his opinion, was too dangerous to even tell his team about. Over the years, he'd more than once played with the thought of destroying it. Now he was glad that he hadn't. Because now, it would wipe his lovers' memories more thoroughly than Retcon ever managed, but furthermore, it had the power to reprogram their memories, reaching back even years, where with Retcon, you only could plant suggestions at best into a person's fading consciousness. That was what made this device so dangerous. In the wrong hands, it could cause horrible damage with grave consequences. Now though, it would save Ianto and Jack's lives, and give them a life together they deserved.

He'd thought long and hard yesterday on which life he should give them. Calling in a lot of favours, no questions asked, he'd got Jack a job as a lecturer on engineering at Cardiff University beginning next Monday, forging him an according CV, and even implanting the corresponding up-to-date knowledge of the subject as well into his mind much like they had done in this Matrix movies. He knew that the Captain would be a terrific lecturer, much like he'd been a fantastic leader for his men back in the war. And Ianto... that had been a little harder. He wasn't a stranger to Cardiff like Jack. He had friends and family here no matter how distant and estranged they were. He had to be careful that he didn't cause any inconsistencies with what those people knew about Ianto, but Jack was sure that they knew too little of Ianto's life for there to be any problems. He had to wipe Rhiannon's memory as well of that day she'd been at the office, and probably that of this blasted gossipy friend of hers, too. And for the job he had given Ianto... the young man had so many talents, and Jack wanted to make it right for him, give him the perfect life. But what to chose for a talented archivist, researcher, office manager, and bibliophile? Although he probably should have stuck with a civil servant job to really avoid any inconsistencies, Jack wasn't so sure if Ianto was all that passionate about this parts of his job. He was good at them, fantastic even, and he'd really loved being a researcher at Torchwood One – that part was still a part of Ianto's memories, just without the alien bit – , but Jack had remembered a half forgotten conversation they'd had right at the beginning of their relationship. Drunk on wine from dinner and even more sex, Ianto had let it slip that he'd dreamed of a little bookshop once before starting at Torchwood. Jack had forgotten this confession until yesterday. Now he hoped that he had done it right, calling in even more favours to acquire a nice little shop in a good part of Cardiff downtown which, in the spur of a moment, he had called  _Draig Cymraeg_ –  _The Welsh Dragon_ . He'd make sure that the shop would flourish since he could do nothing more for his lover.

And for their private life, he'd decided that they should know each other only for a little while with Jack only moving in with Ianto recently. After all, you couldn't forge the smooth ease and familiarity you only develop being in a long-standing relationship. Maybe besides taking care of eventual neighbours who may have seen Jack, and later both Jacks here with Ianto, the final thing that needed doing was clearing the flat from any trace Captain Jack Harkness may have left behind.

He'd lain his lover's into their bed, undressing them, so that when they awoke, they wouldn't become suspicious. A few strategically placed empty wine bottles would take care of any eventual black-outs the two may have because of the Retcon. The signed sales contract for the shop dated to yesterday was placed on the coffee table in the living room, suggesting a little bit of celebratory drinking in honour of this new chapter of their lives.

Barely able to breath, Jack stood beside the bed to look down on his lovers for the last time. He bend down to kiss each of their lips, then he straightened determinedly, and picked up the pitifully small bag with his things from the flat, including the only picture that existed showing all three of them together, laughing and happy, it being replaced in the living room for a digitally edited version with Jack cut out of the photo.

Without looking back, Jack left the flat, and with it his lovers' lives.

 

“You have done what?!” Gwen looked at him out of wild, shell-shocked eyes. The others looked poleaxed as well, but let Gwen do the screaming for now. 

“I had to,” Jack answered calmly, having thought of what to tell the rest of his team carefully beforehand. ”Please don't ask, just take my word for it.”

“You can't just make these decisions,” Gwen continued undeterred. “They are our friends, too!”

“Then please,” he begged, his throat closing up with emotions, “believe me that I have only done what's best for them.”

Gwen opened her mouth once more, but Tosh's hand on her arm made her keep quiet. She looked long and hard at Jack, and it was so hard for him to return her questing gaze, but in the end, she nodded curtly, brushed a stray tear from her eyes, and returned to her workstation, being the only one who had seen his deeply ingrained pain and desperation. Owen and Gwen were so gobsmacked to her reaction that they didn't put up any protest when Jack slipped out of the Hub to be alone for a while.

 

As devastating as Owen's death may be for him, as was Steven's – Oh God, Steven! –, Jack knew it would have broken him beyond repair if it had been Ianto standing at his side in Thames House. And he knew without a doubt that he would have taken his lover with him on this fateful day, maybe even Jack, too, who would have insisted on accompanying him. He was a soldier by heart, after all, never shying away from danger or his duties.

Before Thames House, he more than once had started to doubt his decision of Retconning his lovers for their safety. Maybe he had overreacted, and in the end, it had been a dream after all despite Her foretelling. But the moment the 456 had taunted him with the virus, he knew that it had been the right decision. He'd mourned Owen while the young man died in his arms – he mourned him now, and would continue to do so for a long, long time while being eaten up by guilt –, and he knew that he would never forgive himself for condemning Owen to his death for his lovers' sake, breaking Tosh's heart in the course with his arrogant decisions. But all that, horrible as it was, paled in the light of the one thing that counted; Ianto and Jack where alive and safe.

 

He had to see them one last time before he left Earth, maybe even forever, but at least long enough for them not to be alive any more when he returned in a few decades.

He hadn't' planned on it, but standing at Owen's funeral, and being at Steven's even if he had to stay hidden, watching his daughter's agony and desperation from afar, he had been overcome by longing so strong that it felt like being sucked into a black hole. And instead of staying away, he had sought them out, or rather, had watched them from afar, had even broken his promise before, and had watched over them from the beginning. He had watched them going out together, laughing together, being happy – being happy without him. He had to make sure they  _were_ happy after all, and when he was present at the opening of  _The Welsh Dragon_ only a few days before the 456 incident, had even bought a book from Ianto, and talked to him for a few minutes, it had all been for the sake of making sure the memories didn't come back (They didn't).

Now, he stood hidden in the shade of a tree, watching Ianto and Jack sitting on a bench together in Bute Park on a cruelly cheerful, sunny day, both of them holding a coffee-to-go cup in their hands while they talked to each other animatedly. His heart became heavy at once, even if it wanted to soar with happiness at seeing them again. They looked so good together, so carefree and happy, and above all, alive. He knew this, in between all the wrong and horrible decisions he had made, this had been the right one.

I just have to make sure Jack's memories stay away as well, he tried to persuade himself, and justify his actions even as his feet were already moving, carrying them to the two men on the bench.

“Excuse me.”

The two men looked up questioningly when Jack approached them.

“Do you have the time?”

Ianto blinked up at him. “Ehm, half past three,” he replied without hesitation, and without even looking at his watch. Jack had to suppress a wistful chuckle.

“Thank you. Have a nice day.”

And with that, he walked away again, feeling his lovers' gazes as they watched him go away from them like prickling needles in his back. But he didn't turn around once more, so he didn't see the slight confused frown marring both men's features as they looked after the handsome man in strange clothes, suddenly both of them overcome with a fierce, unexplainable longing for this man.

Jack drew in a shaky breath, and he was glad when he was finally out of their sight.

And now, there was one last thing he had to do, one last goodbye to make...

 

“My girl,” he smiled tearfully at her. “I'm so sorry.”

Tosh smiled through her own tears, and shook her head. “No. You saved me. And you've given me Owen.”

“But I also took him away from you again,” he argued.

She once more shook her head with a wistful smile. “If not for Jack, we would have both died last year without ever acknowledging our feelings for each other. Our time together may have been borrowed time, but it was worth every minute.”

Jack swallowed hard, but he didn't argue with her. If she saw it like that, if she didn't hate him for his actions, instead was even forgiving him, he would take every scrap of love and kindness he could get.

He looked over at Gwen and Rhys, standing arm in arm, happy together, and soon proud parents. At least there was one active member of Torchwood who'd been given a Happy End.

“You'll find someone,” he assured Tosh tearfully, turning to her once more. “Maybe not tomorrow, or next year, but some day, there will be someone who will never leave you, and love you the way you deserve. You deserve love. So much.” 

“So do you,” she argued back.

Now it was Jack who wistfully shook his head. “There will never be a Happy End for me. There can only ever be short flashes of happiness because in the end, everybody will leave me. The only thing I can do is keep their memories close to my heart, but a Forever After is not for me. I have to learn to be happy with that.”

Tosh nodded emphatically. “Yes. Don't close your heart off, please. You have so much to give, and I know it hurts every time you lose someone, but I couldn't stand the thought of you being all alone and bitter because you're afraid to let someone in.”

“I promise,” he answered. “For you, I promise.”

She nodded again, this time quietly, and looked down on the grass. “Will we ever see you again?”

Jack sighed heavily. “I don't know. Probably not. I can't be on this planet knowing they are here as well. And when I see them... The temptation to go to them is too great.”

“I understand,” she said sadly, shyly peeking up to him. “But... maybe you could... phone in once and again?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Okay... yeah, I... I'll miss you, Jack.”

“I'll miss you, too.” He pulled her into a tight embrace once more. “Take care of each other, he whispered. And maybe, from time to time, you could...”

“Yes, I'll make sure they're doing all right, I promise. From afar.”

Jack drew back from her, smiling brightly at her before kissing her forehead. “That's my clever girl.”

Then, he stepped away from her, and activated his vortex manipulator.

“Goodbye, guys. Good luck.” He searched their gazes one last time one after the other, then the transporter beam enveloped him.

**End**

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, I'm incapable of writing stories just for porn's sake and keeping them short; I always have to go and make a big dramatic epic out of it. But, really, I couldn't imagine how the story should end otherwise because in writing Torchwood fanfiction, there's always Children of Earth nagging at the back of your mind provided you want to write conform to canon (and I don't really can't help myself; I've always in all my fanfics, regardless of the fandom, try to stick meticulously to canon, even if it's stupid). So there had to be a solution what they should do with Jack in the long run, and since I didn't want to kill him off in the showdown with the 456, and since I definitely didn't want to kill Ianto – Russel T Davis managed that fabulously without me, thank you very much –, it had to result in this. The non-happy end for our Jack leaves a really bad taste in the mouth of a happy-end-lover like me, but there was no other way I could think of, sorry. At least nobody dies this way. Making both of them immortal like I normally do with Ianto would have been a little over the top.
> 
> I've recently watched the Season 1 episode Random Shoes again, and there they play the song Hope there's someone from Antony and the Johnsons. I actually cried, and when I looked up the lyrics, this fits Jack's fears and feelings so perfectly when he has to let his lovers go.  
> So, the title for my fic is one of the lines of this song, too, because at the end, Jack is doomed to live in this place between light – his lovers, happiness – and nowhere – death, the end, salvation, whatever (“Oh, I'm scared of the middle place between light and nowhere / And I don't want to be the one left in there”). You really have to listen to it if you don't know or can't remember it.
> 
> Antony and the Johnsons: Hope there's someone  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKVHko9YIq8 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, and if someone who's reading this speaks Welsh: Does Draig Cymraeg really mean Welsh Dragon? I could only fall back on Google Translator. Thank you!


End file.
